Archive for August, 2009

Amore

Thursday, August 13th, 2009

What is love and can it exist today?

Everyone seems to be in search of love. From the time we are young we are told that if we do the right things, we will find a girl who loves us and we will marry her, have a family and live a happy life. This is how a happy life is portrayed to most men and women from the time they are able to understand the birds and the bees.

Why is it then that we live in a society of people who have made divorce law a career choice for a vast amount of attorneys? Everything points to marriage as a bad option for a happy life. After all, over fifty percent of first marriages end in divorce. And if you think those odds are bad, second marriage divorces are over seventy five percent.

So why does love, if we finally find it, end so badly? Why do people lose the love they once had? Keeping it simple, I say it is because generally, we are selfish people. Most young people who get married now don’t know how to not be selfish. Today people are all about garnering material things. So much so that we have created a nation in debt, just so we can drive a nicer car than we can afford and feel good for the moment. Going into a marriage after living a life about “me” is a hard thing to change. Marriage is supposed to be about “us,” not “me”. The hard part about love is putting the other person first, not once in awhile but all the time. Being selfish, that’s just not something you can do and expect a long loving relationship. Just think about it for a minute. If each person considered their spouses feelings and needs before acting on something, it would make for a much better marriage. Just that one thing can change the whole marriage. And this is something that you have to be conscience of from the beginning and never let it slip away. It sounds crazy but take the selfishness out of the marriage and it removes most problems.

People lose the love they had because they stopped thinking about how to keep it. Again, this is something that has to be worked on. I once heard a saying that went like this. “If you want a happy marriage, you need to have a happy wife”. In other words fellas, do whatever it takes to make your wife happy and you will find happiness yourself. If you do all the little things like open doors, pull out chairs, save the last cookie for her, remember things she thinks you will forget, kiss her goodnight, walk next to her not in front of her, sit next to her in restaurants instead of across from her and hold her hand when she is near, she will “feel” how much you love her and return that love a hundred fold . You get what you give in life and no more so then in a marriage.

Too many of my friends have lost that love they once had with their wives and once lost it is extremely hard to rekindle. It takes double the effort because both people have forgotten what got them there. If you have children, that effort is even harder to maintain. Always the excuse that the kids come first. It wasn’t always that way when you first married but now it’s the way it is, or so everyone says. If you give into that, then your marriage is doomed. So many men have taken the back seat to their kids when they once were number one in the wife’s world. This just might be the reason so many men cheat. You can’t expect a man to come second to his kids for too long before he starts reaching out for what is missing at home. This is why it’s so important for couples to maintain the things they did when they met, when they were both the most important thing to each other.

Love doesn’t come easy and when it does, its harder to maintain. Love hits you like a brick but the mark won’t last long without a few stone throws to remind you how good it is. Love, like anything else in life that’s worth something, takes effort. That effort should be embraced and cherished because when you have love it makes it easier to deal with the terrible things we  face everyday. There isn’t a secret to what makes love last, its just how bad you want it to.

There are too many people, especially women,  who think they are in love. Everyone knows  someone like that. They tell you that they stay in a bad relationship because they love that person. They stay and think that their love can change that person, make them see the light. Wake up, people don’t change unless they want to. “A zebra can’t change his stripes”. I made that mistake once and my marriage ended in divorce. I saw the signs before getting married, but chose to ignore them. I believed that she would change after she saw how great our life could be. I was wrong and I wouldn’t listen to anyone who tried to tell me so. Get over it and move on. You deserve better. If a man loves a woman, he will tear down walls to get to her, and he will never take advantage of her love. Never. Be honest to yourself and find someone who is right for you.

On another note, you changing might be the difference in finding love. Love doesn’t always find you on your doorstep. Sometimes you have to leave your comfort zone and go out and find it. I know two women about thirty seven years old who have been searching for love since I met them some three years ago. It is constantly on their minds that they can not find Mr. Right. My advice to them has always been to move away to a new life. The person they are looking for isn’t in their neighborhood. My wife, changed her life and found me. She got tired of her life the way it was and figured she would never find the right guy while doing the same old things. She picked up, left her job, and moved out of state to start a new life. Less than two years later she met me and we married with in six months. Sometimes it takes drastic measures to meet the right Regular Guy!!!

Love is a strange thing. People who don’t have it, constantly search it out while people who found it don’t know how to keep it. If your a Regular Guy and want love to last, make an effort to keep it alive. Don’t give up so fast on love, because when love is right, it is your greatest chance for a healthy and long life.