Do you hear me????

I don’t talk much. Some people think I am aloof. Most people think I am in a bad mood. Alot of people think I don’t like them. Truth is, I don’t say much unless I feel it nescessary and quite frankly, no one usually cares enough to listen anyway!!!!

I have learned in my life that it is better to be a good listerner than it is to be a good talker. I have learned more listening than I ever will from talking. The problem is most people today don’t find anyone interesting enough to listen to before they talk.

We have become a society of people who care more about what they have to say than what the the other person does. I find it not only rude but frustrating.

The very worse case I have witnessed recently came at a training seminar I attended for Mediation. A woman therapist spoke for approximately 30 minutes and then gave the floor to the next speaker. During the time that the gentleman was speaking, no less than five times did she interrupt him to give her opinion. At one point she stole the floor from him. This woman had her own agenda and she was going to push it all day no matter whose turn it was to speak.

I come from a family of what Seinfeld would probably call “over-talkers”. You know them as the friend who never lets you finish a sentence. Or the employee who always finishes your sentence for you and doesn’t come close to what you were trying to say.

When did this happen. As a kid I would be scolded for such rude behavior and now it is commonly accepted. It is a standing joke between two friends of mine and myself, how they never let me finish a sentence. Worse yet is when they ask me a question and don’t bother to listen to the answer but turn away in the middle of it. My wife and I now continue talking to people who look away but we change the subject to something tragic like ” and then I cut my finger to the bone and had to have it stitched and blah blah”. At some point the person usually turns their attention back to us  without a clue as to what we are talking about. Pretty funny stuff.

So what is it with people that can’t shut their pie hole long enough for someone to answer their question? What makes people talk over someone in conversation? I think the reason is two fold. First, most people tell me that they think they will forget what they are going to say next so they blurt it out. Second, they lost their ability to listen. Everyone is in such a rush today that taking time to listen to someone slows their day down. They already know what you are going to say so why not move on. Or better yet, they have a similar story that they can’t wait to tell you. Another Seinfeld moment. “the one upper”. Oh yeah everyone knows one of these people. Always found the blouse cheaper, or their kid gets better grades, or they have a different model television that is better than yours.Anything you say they have a story just like it but better.At least they think its better.

So everyone just chill! Believe it or not, if you take the time to listen to what someone else has  to say you might find what you think you wanted to say might change.And maybe you just may learn something about that person you didn’t know.

I love to listen. I love to listen because no one else is and I hear everything. Being a Mediator, I do however have an unfair advantage,. Yes, being a Mediator I am trained to listen to what people have to say. That is how I have become so quiet and such a good listener. I am grateful for that training because people say very interesting things if you let them. And, if you really listen to people they will notice and pay more attention to what you have to say when it’s your turn to speak.

The best thing about not talking so much is that people notice. As I said in my opening paragraph, they form all sorts of ideas about me because I don’t talk as much as they think I should. Maybe they get some bad ideas about me but when I do talk, most of them listen very carefully. Probably because they are in shock when I do. Plus not talking so much keeps them guessing about what I am really like. It sort of gives me the upper hand in a weird way.  This way I figure that when I do say something maybe, just maybe,they will listen……Can you hear me now????

8 Responses to “Do you hear me????”

  1. Vic says:

    Sorry,could you repeat that? I wasn’t listening.

    :>)

  2. Lee says:

    In this crazy place called ” life ” why is it that we seem to disengage from the people who have known our hearts the most? Is it through all the noise that has been created from all involved? I don’t know. What I have learned is ,Yes, everyone can be overbearing at times, just like myself I am sure, however , What is their personal intent ? Is it good or bad ? Pure or malice? Or perhaps maybe they just need a safe place to fall?Because they are tired of the rat race. So, when given the opportunity to share their hearts and engage inconversation with family and friends etc…. it is without reservation,and sensorship. Afterall shouldn’t we ( as family and friends) be compassionate enough to listen to it all? Isn’t that part of nuturing the human spirit in oneanother ( for me, Christianity) It is their unique imprint on this life. As difficult as it can be to hear, it is a way to bridge our lives if we value oneanother enough. Afterall we are all human, with flaws in one aspect or another in our lives.How sad it would be if we were all homogenized. We wouldn’t have anything to write about. Which would mean noone would Listen!Ready for the next round?

  3. I’m listening and I hear you loud and clear…thanks for your input lee lee..ooxxx

  4. Lee says:

    however different our world’s are, that’s how deep the love is for you;;; My brother ,my friend, A regular girl

  5. Jax says:

    Lately, I’ve been noticing just how little people listen to me. In fact, I recall two incidents where someone rudely cut me off to make a phone call right in the middle of my story. I remember this being a pattern for me since childhood. Upon reflection, I decided that what i needed to do to remedy the situation was to 1) teach people how to listen as one of my life goals and 2) become the greatest storyteller. While in the presence of a serious control freak, I realized that the reason she was able to command so much attention was because she kept you hanging on the story she was telling, good or bad. I thought, I need to learn how to do that. I didn’t care what she had to say, but the way she said it made you want to hear it til the end. Just a thought!

    On another note, it is unreasonable to expect people to listen to everything you have to say. Everyone!!!has their own agenda. For if we didn’t look for someone to listen, what would be the point of having relationships? The problem is that many people are unconscious of their needs and how they need to fulfill their own needs instead of look to someone else to do it for them. Be patient, the world is slowly changing around you. Slowly, we are all becoming conscious. Yes, even you, my dear, are changing. Now that you are becoming conscious, these little things people do will irritate you more and more. Try to not let it get to you. Just sit back and wait for the change or become part of the wave, as it appears that you have. Just remember, we have all come from that place of unconsciousness and we have things in our past that are similar to those thinghs that we want to change in others. You see, the world is our mirror. It shows us the things that we need to change by putting them in front of our nose. So when you see something you don’t like, look within to see how it manifests in you. The fact that you have become a mediator is proof that you needed to learn how to listen as well.

    Also, when someone is trying to talk over you, just think about how their priorities are different from yours. What you have to say may not be important to them. Maybe they need to talk something out and on an unconscious level recognize that you might be the right person for the job. You might be there to teach them something they need to learn. I can give you an example. I learned who I can and cannot count on when I need to talk. Typically, when I really needed someone, no one was there for me, so I was forced to talk to God or my Higher Self. I learned to become self-sufficient. One of the times I am recalling was the time I called to talk to you about my childhood because I realized that we had a very special connection and wanted to use that information to understand what I wanted from life now. After a BRIEF conversation, I was made aware that “the game” was on. So my priporites were different from yours. I realized where I stood and didn’t bother you again. Is that the type of example you are talking about? I hear you brother!
    With love, Binks! XOXO

  6. admin says:

    i am glad to see that you found this as interesting as our sister did, although you dove into a deeper end of the pool than did she. I guess we all experience this behavior in people, some more than others. As for our “BRIEF” conversation, if i remember the time correctly, I thought it was a good talk we had. Again if the example you mention is the one I remember, I was really taken back by it and almost saddened because after talking with you I felt I missed out on a lot of your life and time I could have spent with you (especially since I remembered so well how attached you and I were when you were very very young). If I came off as being uninterested, then it must be another time that you speak of. I try to make it a point to give the people I talk to the “floor” for as long as they need or as time allows. I am truly sorry if I slighted you in any way and I look forward to the next time we have a conversation!!!xxoo

  7. Jax says:

    I want you to know that I have always backed you up whenever people misinterpreted you. I can see the truth most times when people just see the obvious. I think that comes from so much “listening” as a child. Yes, I forgot to mention that not being heard was evidently an issue for all three of us. I figured it out during my homework for becoming a Life Coach. Only thing is, I wish I could remember what happened before age 4 so I could know how to reverse the problem. I can only say that “my way or the highway” and “respect your elders” was probably the theme. But, I have certainly been working on being heard in the past 10 years even if it starts and argument. How else is anyone going to know what you want or need if you never say? Needless to say, my book left quite an impression. Speaking of which, I wanted you to have a copy. I hope you took one. If you didn’t, please do. It’s only fair since you so graciously modeled for it! LOL!
    BTW, I would be happy to work with you as a practice client if you’re interested. I have to do 90 hours to be confidant in charging for my services. So far, I have about 15. We can do phone sessions as long as you have the paperwork. Let me know…

  8. admin says:

    Thanks ..the Regular Guy welcomes you:)

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