Posts Tagged ‘girls’

A fathers wish..

Friday, January 31st, 2014

rockJust the other day, my daughter asked me why I haven’t written anything in such a long time. I told her I was in a slump. My slump is now over and this one is for her.

Life changes overnight when you become a father. It’s difficult to explain but easy to understand when that day occurs. You see your daughter for the first time and understand how fragile and reliant on you she is, to care for her until she becomes of age to tend for herself. Naturally you have prepared the usual things, crib, playpen, car seats, etc… but as the days, months and years pass you can’t help to think about what you will imprint on her. What you will leave with her long after you are gone. The stuff that helps her get through life unharmed, perhaps even without a broken heart , maybe to show her how she can be happy without all the material things hers peers, friends and others cherish so needlessly.

When my little girl was born her mom and I were in a tough time. We didn’t last but 6 months after she came to us, and of course it was no fault of hers, but a number of things that accumulated in her parent’s relationship that caused the parting.

Looking back on those days, her mom and I only wanted to do what was best for her albeit we differed in ways of how we believed it should be. I can say that I was distraught with how the whole thing played out but I am grateful that for the first 13 years of my daughter’s life I was able to enjoy a lot of memorable time with her.

Those early years were always my favorite times. Of all the things that stuck with me the one thing that I will never forget is how I felt when she would fall asleep in my arms. From the time that she was an infant and nestled her head on my shoulder to when she was a toddler and rolled herself up in a ball for a nap against me on the couch.

“She wakes and struggles to open her eyes. She reaches up from her bed to climb into my arms. She hugs tight to my chest and rests her head on my shoulder. I am reminded now, how it feels to be a father”.

I wrote that about her, one morning 14 years ago, when reflecting back on my life.

When she became a teen, my life again took a turn. This time period in our life wasn’t a very good one. It’s hard enough on a father’s relationship with his teen aged daughter when they both live in the same house, but being divorced, that was not our case. I understood the challenges I would face and not getting along well with her mom didn’t help my cause. I learned through years mediating parents through their own divorces, that fighting wouldn’t help my daughter see that I really loved and wanted what was best for her, so I let her choose her own path. Those years without her in my life (like it used to be) were very difficult. Although I believed that in time she would realize the man I was, it is still a hard thing to get through. I preached to others that if you stood by what you believed in, what your parents instilled in you, what values were important to teach your children and that if you showed love, then you had to make a stand. I felt that if I compromised my beliefs then I would be doing her an injustice, perhaps for the rest of her life. I needed her to remember and understand that I was her father, the same person who she adored when she was a child, and that person wasn’t going to give in to certain things no matter what. It was a gamble but parents today compromise their beliefs and the things they were taught as children because they want “more “ for their kids then they had. What a bunch of crap that is. How bad did we really have it?

I don’t pretend to think I know it all when it comes to relationships. A father/ daughter relationship is a tough cookie to crumble. As a man we are wired to want to “fix” everything, including whatever goes wrong in our daughter’s life. But as a father we should realize that our daughter needs to find her on way at some point and hopefully what we showed her in her early years can help her get there. Parents today want to be friends to their children. They avoid laying down the law. They curse in front of them. They get drunk and stoned, sometimes even with them. And then, after it all, they cry out loud to their friends how their kids don’t show respect towards them. I remind them how their parents would never have done the things they do in their children’s presence and they certainly would not accept disrespect from their children but they say it’s different now. Yes, sadly it is, but it wasn’t going to be that way with me and my daughter. I would never want that for her and I wasn’t going to let society or a divorce turn my way of thinking.

When she graduated High School I felt like an outsider looking in. She became this beautiful, intelligent, young woman who I hardly knew anymore. I understood fully how divorce can really tear apart a relationship between a parent and a child. Not being there all the time always put me in the role of the underdog. Never quite enough time to build something between us and now with her heading off to college, there never seemed to be a time to talk and maybe reconnect.

Being the person I am, I tried to remain true to what I believed. I paid the bills, tried to give her moral support and waited for a chance to get to know her again. I fully understood that it’s pretty difficult for a young woman to open up to a man even if he is her father. She definitely couldn’t share the things she would with her mom as easily if at all, with me. Heck some of that stuff could get embarrassing, plus as a father we don’t need to know certain things!. But as years passed by things started to change and as she grew she needed support and advise and she began to turn to me for it. We began talking and spending more time together again and today we seem to be on a good path.

It’s been a challenge for both of us but I must say that I am impressed and proud of how things turned out. As a father I wanted her to understand the importance of family over friendship, the true value of a dollar, the show conviction in what you believe in and the pride that comes from earning everything you acquire in your life. As a father I would want my daughter to be strong and independent and to not have to rely on a man or the village to take care of her. To show both passions in all the things she does and compassion for the people she meets along life’s path. That she’d never fall in love too easily, fear for a broken heart but embrace it when it happens and learn from it, and never, never become fearful that she won’t find happiness because that might happen more than once. Take the bad with the good because it makes the good even better when it happens. And remember what my mom always told me when things turn bad, “it’s just a test”. After all these years and countless times of hearing it, I really have no clue what the hell that means because life itself seems to be a test. Mostly of showing patience and waiting for a point in time when you find that happy place. My advice to her would be not to wait to find happiness, but go and make it. Make a little bit everyday and when you get to be older you can look back and see that a lot of the sadness and pain is hidden deep behind all those little bits of happiness you made every day. I would also tell her that above all else stay true to who you are. Don’t let anyone or anything make you into something you are not. This is one of the hardest things to do in your life because everything you believe, everything you are, and everything you do eventually effects someone else and you will always have to find a way to balance your feelings against your beliefs. You are unique, there will never be another you and you only get this one chance, so make it count.

I love you… Your Father

Lilies of the Field

Tuesday, January 8th, 2013

Sometimes life takes you to places that make you stop for a moment and just take it all in. I know your thinking ,( “he must be talking about something like the Grand Canyon”) something big. Nope. Not this time.

Simple things in my life usually make me stop and notice. This past weekend, while visiting friends, I happened upon a small boutique in Doylestown Pa, where I couldn’t help but think this place is special. Located on a corner on main street and if not careful, you might just walk past it, Lilies was definitely one of the highlights of my visit.

A fresh take on clothing for women  and one HUGE  ( pun intended) table display for  men, the articles on sale were not what caught my attention. Arizona, a lively and attentive sales person, was standing behind the front counter when we entered and quickly offered us hot Cider and cookies. Not long after,  Jona ( the shops owner) entered the store with more fresh made cookies from a local bakery. As excited as one could be about cookies and a bakery, Jona couldn’t wait to offer the extended variety of cookies she had purchased for her store.

At this point I realized that unlike most shops along the streets of Doysletown, this one was different. Jona and Arizona’s spirit and freshness made my visit both fun and interesting, as both women seemed as if they truly liked being there. So many times you wander into stores to find sales help absent or perhaps they are off playing with their phones, and even if they acknowledge your being there, they rarely take interest in that fact. At Lilies, I felt like it was appreciated that I happened to be there and both ladies upbeat mood made the visit extremely enjoyable. I found myself waiting to hear the next interesting thing that Jona was going to say. After discussing the local bake shops fare and how much she liked it, her attention then turned to area restaurants that she would recommend for this evenings dinner. While this was happening, Arizona filled me in on the stores clothing, all  made in the USA, and some of which are from local merchants.

As I stood and listened to the conversations and laughter, I couldn’t help but think that I should use my Blog to tell people about this great little shop and the experience awaiting customers when they pass through the doors. If for nothing else, I felt compelled to do something nice for Jona since she had made both my friends and I feel so welcome.

Thanks Jona!

Just one man’s opinion..

The Regular Guy

Lilies of the Field

www.facebook.com/pages/Lilies-of-the-Field/10150090483750693

1 South Main

Doylestown Pa 215-348-8355

 

Can you please pick that up?

Friday, September 2nd, 2011

When I was a kid, I once heard my mom say to her friend that she shouldn’t lift a heavy item. Your thinking “that doesn’t sound so bad “, but, aha, there’s more. She followed that with a scary suggestion that this woman’s “uterus will fall out!”

Wow! What the hell is that? I don’t think I was more than 10 yrs old but that sure sounded bad to me. What the hell is a uterus? Did I have one of those? I lifted some heavy things. Was I going to lose something through my ass? Next time I saw my friends, I had to ask if any of them knew what the heck a uterus is. Well as it turned out we weren’t so up on the female anatomy as we thought we were. Sure we knew the important parts breast, butt, the female flower….you know all the stuff that mattered to us, but a uterus? And the fact that it might just “fall out”. I remember thinking that I was glad I was a guy cause it didn’t seem like much more than a good bowel movement was coming out of me.

So fast forward to the present. I find myself laughing today when I tell women at work not to lift heavy things because their uterus might fall out. They laugh and say that won’t happen, but I tell them I don’t want to be the one present to witness the event if it does! After all, am I the one that s going to have to have to pick it up, bag it and carry it to the hospital so they can put it back in? Hell I don’t think I have it in me toss it in my car and bring it with us. Its not like a finger that you can throw in a bag of ice and put it on the dashboard. If you witnessed your child’s birth than you know just how messy those things can be! Seriously, does it really “fall out”? I recently heard a story about a guy who pushed so hard during a visit to the john, that his intestine fell out. Really, a friend of mine drove him to the hospital and watched the doctor push it back in. Holy crap man!

So for future reference, don’t let your woman pick up heavy items.  Unless you have a pooper scooper or something else handy to pick up that uterus when it falls out you better carry those grocery bags from now on!

Just one man’s opinion!

The Regular Guy

Affairing Down…Part II

Tuesday, May 24th, 2011

Carson
Thanks for checking out my site.
It has always been my belief that men cheat because they are weak. Period!. We all get tested at some point and we all know that once we pull the trigger, there is no going back. I think that down deep most of the cheats don’t care if they get caught, because I would say they believe they have good reason. Not so much the one time cheat, but the flagrant ones like Tiger and now Arnold. Those men knew exactly what they were doing and in their mind they were okay with it. I can’t see how any man who cheats and feels remorse, can go back over and over and sometimes even lead a double life. Let’s face it, if we all thought we would never get caught, a very high percentage of us would do it. WE have never really lost that “caveman” in us, but have seemingly learned how to control it. After all, being in a civilized society makes us. As for why we seem to “affair down”, which clearly is the case with Arnold (even though Maria isn’t really that good looking), I can’t figure it out. You would think that we would “make it count ” so at least if we were caught, our spouse could understand the temptation behind it. But what does a spouse think when she sees the other woman is a “double bagger”! That must really freak them out. Anyway, as a man I can always understand why a guy cheats, but I can’t always condone it. Yes I did write that. Only because I understand how frustrating it is to have a partner that won’t meet you at least half way to satisfy your sexual desires. When a woman hears you asking for more of her and she gives you less or even worse, ignores your pleas, then yes I can condone it. It always befuddles me when a woman turns a deaf ear to her partner then acts all surprised and hurt when he strays. Maybe leaving the relationship is the best way but most men are afraid to do that, more so when children are involved. So they stray to find the missing intimacy or sex but still want to keep the family they have intact.

Just one man’s opinion….
The Regular Guy

Affairing down

Tuesday, May 24th, 2011

Hey Regular Guy

I stumbled upon your blog while Googling why so many men “affair down” – meaning, of course, the majority of men who cheat do so with women who are not nearly as attractive as their wives or girlfriends. There are TONS of hits about this on Google.(As evidenced by Jesse James, Tiger Woods, the Governator to just name a few.) I have read your posts about men and the “Chip”, which I do agree with. Do you believe then that it is because of the ever-prevalent notion of sex in the male brain that leads most (not all, of course, but most) men to cheat on their wives or girlfriends with less attractive women? Logically, one would think if you’re going to risk your relationship, you’d do it with someone who would be a “trade up”. I’d be interested to hear your thoughts.

Carson

Searching for Mr Right

Sunday, May 15th, 2011

It seems to me that there is quite a crowd of women between the ages of 30 and 40 who can not find Mr Right.

Online dating sites brag about the rate people that find love using  their programs, but in real life they seem to fall short of their lofty success reports. Women between the ages of 30 and 40 are finding themselves in limbo when it comes to landing the man of their dreams, especially if they have high standards. More and more I hear how there are so few “good” men out there and that the ones they date always fall short of capturing not just their heart but simply their interest.

Yesterday I stood between four women aged 35 to 50 and listened to them question ones relationship status. This woman being questioned is about to turn 40 and had been through a marriage that went bad. That was 7 years ago and today, she finds herself still looking for Mr Right. Sandy (not her real name) is a great girl who is not only very attractive but intelligent, witty, honest and sincere. She is also very independent and well liked by everyone who knows her. Why then can’t she find what shes looking for? She explained how just recently she met a new guy, who is 40 and without baggage (means no ex wife, no kids) which is rare these days. She also mentioned that he would like children and that is one of the things Sandy is looking for in a man. One of the women stated that at 40, he knows what he wants as opposed to earlier in his life. I laughed aloud when I heard that statement because usually men say they can not figure out women because they are always changing. t Matter of fact, men who are married often state that their wives are no longer the girl they married (see earlier posts for more on this). When I laughed they asked why I had, and I couldn’t help but chime in. I said that men were simple in what they want and that it never changes. Perhaps it’s that women at this age don’t want the same things as they did years ago when we were closer in what we both wanted and expected from each other. I said that men wanted the same things now as we did then. Sex, good food, toys and laughter. Its is really very simple, but for a woman at this age the sex we want is always too much, women don’t have time to cook or don’t know how, the love of cars, motorcycles, sports, and electronics never did anything for woman to begin with, and laughter is childish( ie: the Three Stooges come to mind). A good example might be this: In high school just about every girl wanted the jock boyfriend. He was into all the things I mentioned above and to some extent so was she. She played sports or went to to the games(maybe to meet one of the jocks). She thought his car was “cool” especially if it was a convertible, because then everyone could see her in it. Now, if you look at that guy today, he is still the same but the woman his age considers him “childish” for being the same man today as he was back then. Today the women want the “geek” who back in high school they made fun of or never paid any attention to his attraction to her. He was weird or goofy, skinny or dressed funny. Not COOL. Too bad because now all those great guys are probably the nerds who are married and successful. Oh the jocks are probably married too or they are bald and fat and are now the unattractive ones. One hell of a vicious cycle huh?

So in this day of single girls outnumbering single guys, where does a great girl find her soul mate? That question will probably go without answer forever because as they say “you can’t force love because it happens when you least expect it”.

Just one mans opinion…

The Regular Guy

 

Go away little girl?

Wednesday, April 6th, 2011



What do you guys think?

Emotional cheating, ego boosting or something else?

An old girlfriend/ex-wife/gal-pal is constantly emailing or texting you just to stay in touch. She’s told you in the past that she is unhappy with her current relationship, so you are flattered that she wants to lean on the “connection” the two of you once had. You even enjoy hearing from her. (You get the feeling she might take it further if you would.)

But you wouldn’t!! You are totally committed to and happy with your current relationship. Even so, the attention is nice and at times you still think about *her* and wonder, “What if…?” 

Do you:

1)      Write back to her and continue to engage in *harmless* chatting?

2)      Ignore her attempts to stay in touch?

3)      Delete or block her email/phone number?

4)      Ask her to stop contacting you?

5)      Invite her to go out with you and your spouse/partner?

 I expect to hear lots of “It depends…” on this one. I’m curious what those qualifiers would be.

 Ladies— substitute boyfriend/ex and all the appropriate pronouns above and share your thoughts.

Why skirt the flirting?

Tuesday, March 15th, 2011

I had dinner with my friend Sara recently and as we reminisced about years of working together, the conversation turned to relationships. She and her husband had recently celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary. It was her husband’s second marriage, but Sara’s first. I asked her the secret of their success.

She had a twinkle her in eye as she told me about Tom.

“He made me feel comfortable right from the start,” she said. “I knew I could be myself and he would accept me for who I am – both the good and the not-so-good. It seems to work for us. He’s easy-going and I’m a little intense, but he just lets that roll.”

I’ve watched them together. They kid each other often. They laugh and show respect for each other. Sara is somewhat of a caretaker and Tom likes this. Yet he knows how to make her feel loved and cared for, too.

And he’s a big flirt! Though I don’t see them often, a few other mutual friends and I have observed that Tom is generally focused on women and freely expresses his appreciation of their beauty, bodies, sex appeal, etc. Sometimes we think it’s icky. But Sara has never once complained or expressed discomfort with it.

So why do some people become jealous of every tiny bit of attention a partner pays to someone else, while others don’t mind this a bit?

I think it depends on the strength of the intimate relationship — a strong loving relationship, shared mutually, leaves no room for jealousy. If each partner is truly being kind to the other (as the Regular Guy purports) and if they often are doing little things to enrich the relationship, then a little flirting shouldn’t rock their world. It might even enhance it! It’s nice to see that other people appreciate your date/mate.

Self-confidence helps, too. Insecurity breeds disinterest. And trouble can follow.

What happens outside the relationship can only become significant if nothing is happening inside the relationship. (A topic for another post.) It takes a committed pair to turn a budding romance into a 25-year marriage. Cheers to all those who take it seriously and succeed, and especially to Sara and Tom!

She says…

Tuesday, March 15th, 2011

While the Regular Guy provides a forum for men to vent and discuss commonalities,  I say gals should also snatch the opportunity to spew forth our feminine perspective! I may not be as witty as Carrie Bradshaw, but I am in the newspaper business and I’ve always had a thing for writing, so my goal is to inspire some discussion here. Think of it as group therapy for the regular gal (and guy)… those of us who constantly ponder love, career, family, health and fitness, beauty, creative expression and how to juggle all at one time and still remain at the top of our game. Not unlike the Regular Guy who might obsess over sex, sports and sitcoms, the Regular Gal is no stranger to obsessions. “She Says” will expose that all of these topics transcend gender. Depending on who starts the discussion, some are just a little more sugar-coated than others.

Join the forum. Join in the freedom of expression. Join the fun.

For the love of Napa…

Monday, October 18th, 2010

(as submitted by Lea for “She Say’s”)

A real man is a woman’s best friend. He will never stand her up and never let her down. He will reassure her when she feels insecure and comfort her after a bad day.

He will inspire her to do things she never thought she could do; to live without fear and forget regret. He will enable her to express her deepest emotions and give in to her most intimate desires. He will make sure she always feels as though she’s the most beautiful woman in the room and will enable her to be the most confident, sexy, seductive, and invincible.

No wait… sorry… I’m thinking of wine.
Never mind.

I raise my glass to those who are lucky enough to have found a real man, as well!