Posts Tagged ‘mid life crisis’

Tuc-a-tee

Monday, October 31st, 2011

Things that change with age..part one

Stop tucking in that tee shirt! Why in Gods name do men begin tucking in their tee shirts when they get older. Did you ever see any man between teenager and thirty nine years old tuck his tee? Man, tucking that tee makes your pants look like they are up to your neck. And besides that, do we really need to see your beer belly hang over your belt buckle? Check out those pics of you when you were younger. I bet you let that tee hang back then, so why the change now? Tucking that tee doesn’t make it a dress shirt either. It is what it is. Tee shirt and jeans with the tee out. Lets keep it that way….

Just one mans opinion!

The Regular Guy

Affairing Down…Part II

Tuesday, May 24th, 2011

Carson
Thanks for checking out my site.
It has always been my belief that men cheat because they are weak. Period!. We all get tested at some point and we all know that once we pull the trigger, there is no going back. I think that down deep most of the cheats don’t care if they get caught, because I would say they believe they have good reason. Not so much the one time cheat, but the flagrant ones like Tiger and now Arnold. Those men knew exactly what they were doing and in their mind they were okay with it. I can’t see how any man who cheats and feels remorse, can go back over and over and sometimes even lead a double life. Let’s face it, if we all thought we would never get caught, a very high percentage of us would do it. WE have never really lost that “caveman” in us, but have seemingly learned how to control it. After all, being in a civilized society makes us. As for why we seem to “affair down”, which clearly is the case with Arnold (even though Maria isn’t really that good looking), I can’t figure it out. You would think that we would “make it count ” so at least if we were caught, our spouse could understand the temptation behind it. But what does a spouse think when she sees the other woman is a “double bagger”! That must really freak them out. Anyway, as a man I can always understand why a guy cheats, but I can’t always condone it. Yes I did write that. Only because I understand how frustrating it is to have a partner that won’t meet you at least half way to satisfy your sexual desires. When a woman hears you asking for more of her and she gives you less or even worse, ignores your pleas, then yes I can condone it. It always befuddles me when a woman turns a deaf ear to her partner then acts all surprised and hurt when he strays. Maybe leaving the relationship is the best way but most men are afraid to do that, more so when children are involved. So they stray to find the missing intimacy or sex but still want to keep the family they have intact.

Just one man’s opinion….
The Regular Guy

Affairing down

Tuesday, May 24th, 2011

Hey Regular Guy

I stumbled upon your blog while Googling why so many men “affair down” – meaning, of course, the majority of men who cheat do so with women who are not nearly as attractive as their wives or girlfriends. There are TONS of hits about this on Google.(As evidenced by Jesse James, Tiger Woods, the Governator to just name a few.) I have read your posts about men and the “Chip”, which I do agree with. Do you believe then that it is because of the ever-prevalent notion of sex in the male brain that leads most (not all, of course, but most) men to cheat on their wives or girlfriends with less attractive women? Logically, one would think if you’re going to risk your relationship, you’d do it with someone who would be a “trade up”. I’d be interested to hear your thoughts.

Carson

Go away little girl?

Wednesday, April 6th, 2011



What do you guys think?

Emotional cheating, ego boosting or something else?

An old girlfriend/ex-wife/gal-pal is constantly emailing or texting you just to stay in touch. She’s told you in the past that she is unhappy with her current relationship, so you are flattered that she wants to lean on the “connection” the two of you once had. You even enjoy hearing from her. (You get the feeling she might take it further if you would.)

But you wouldn’t!! You are totally committed to and happy with your current relationship. Even so, the attention is nice and at times you still think about *her* and wonder, “What if…?” 

Do you:

1)      Write back to her and continue to engage in *harmless* chatting?

2)      Ignore her attempts to stay in touch?

3)      Delete or block her email/phone number?

4)      Ask her to stop contacting you?

5)      Invite her to go out with you and your spouse/partner?

 I expect to hear lots of “It depends…” on this one. I’m curious what those qualifiers would be.

 Ladies— substitute boyfriend/ex and all the appropriate pronouns above and share your thoughts.

Life as we know it…..

Monday, March 21st, 2011

Some one once said” Life is what happens while your busy planning for it.” Maybe it wasn’t exactly that but close enough.

So how is it that we get so involved in planning our lives that we miss most of it as it jettisons right by us. I have been trying to change the way I live my life for years, and it’s a slow process at best, trying to undo the mess that I have created.

Last year, I went to see “Eat, Pray, Love ” and I walked away from the film with a reinforcement of what I always believed. You can not change your life unless you change where you live your life. Nothing really changes if your environment doesn’t

The main character in the movie came to a crossroad when she realized that she wasn’t living a life by choice but one that she couldn’t relate to because she became lost in all the things that life threw at her on a daily basis. She didn’t know who she was and what truly made her happy, so she embarked on a mission to find her true self.

If you think about it we build our lives in steps which seems to end in retirement. We are born, we grow, we learn, we work, we marry, we have kids, we buy a house, we create massive expenses and responsibilities, and we hope for a comfortable retirement. We are led to believe that this is a way to a happy life. We don’t live life, we work it. Sure we all get little bits and pieces of it but do we ever really live the life we would if we could?

I have spent my life working just to enjoy a few off weeks a year to do things that make me happy while all the time wishing I could work less and live more. I am not talking about traveling the world but just taking the time to “smell the roses”.  I, like most men, are driven to make money with the hope that at some point I can enjoy the rewards of my lifelong efforts. But unless you happen to make a killing very quickly, you will find that basically you work your whole life to live, and not much more.

Maybe we are all just missing life the way it was intended to be. “SIMPLE.” We have all become products of our environment. So caught up in our work that it becomes our life. Think about how upside down we have made our lives. We spend most of our day working and the rest sleeping. When we aren’t sleeping we are on our phones or computers probably either working or wasting time.  I have been told by my parents that some of the best times of their life were before all this technology set in. It seems that living before the 1960’s was great. Could it be because life was much simpler and less cluttered with technology. People actually had conversations in their living rooms with neighbors on Saturday nights. It was called “having company”. Today, we don’t even want to talk to each other so we just text.

If you are young and reading this here’s some advice. Start early and save as much money as possible by avoiding what everyone else is doing with theirs, because later in life you will need it more than earlier. Travel as soon as possible and see how others live in difference to where you were raised. Take a job or jobs that don’t tie you down ( this is the difficult one) but allow you to leave if necessary and start up somewhere else. Remember, its not how much you earn its how much you spend that makes life difficult, and with this in mind, stay debt free. And last, you will  learn later in life that it is shorter than you think so be prepared to say yes now to all the things you truly want to do and not make excuses as to why you can’t. Don’t let your “career” become who you are. Keep your life “simple” because at some point you will look back on it and wonder how it got so complicated and stressful and not know how to fix it. It becomes like the hamster on a wheel. Repetition over and over, the same everyday.

Life as we know it happens because we allow it to. Someday, hopefully sooner than later, I’ll get this life right!

Just one man’s opinion

The Regular Guy

Get glasses Alice!

Sunday, December 12th, 2010

At some point in life we all get to an age when our eyes start to become unreliable, especially in dimly lit restaurants.

Being a Regular Guy, I fought the good fight for the last five or six years, trying to get by without optical help. Always one for seeing (no pun) eye doctors, I was told that I only needed readers and that my left eye was only fixable with surgery. So on I continued, hazing cereal box labels, newspapers, and menu’s trying make sense of it all.Wearing glasses never seemed like an option because I had  great “walking around ” vision. Carrying glasses for reading was even worse because I don’t use a “man purse” and glasses on a chain were strictly for my sun glasses ( which is still fashionable to date).So what does the Regular Guy do?

Alice, its time for contact lenses. Changing eye doctors, I had hoped that this one would be able to offer the option of contacts to help with my reading debacle. Watching my wife use contacts, never seemed like a daunting task to me and I figured that I could master the art of lens wearing in short duty. Okay so maybe I had ideas of grandeur. As my wife has observed and pointed out to me, I have three things playing against me in mastering the insertion and removal of these wonderful optical  pieces. Finger tips that over the years have lost sensitivity ( from work), hands like bear paws ( piano fingers preferred) and last, eyelid slivers. These three things, if you have not figured it out, will make placing contacts in your eyes VERY difficult.

Needless to say, I stymied the assistant in the docs office for a very long hour, the first time I attempted to install my superior eye wear. Retreating back to the safety of my home, I enlisted the assistance of my favorite contact wearer, to teach my the ropes on how too install these little domes of magnifying wonders.

So armed with visions of expert techniques buried in my mind, I attempted a second installation visit with the docs asssistant. Being blessed with skills beyond most mortal men, I conquered the task at hand and left with contacts in place!

After putting in the lens, I should tell you, I felt like I was in my thirties again. I was walking around the office in wonderment of how much I could read and from such as distance. These things are incredible. I am a new man!

But alas, all good things come to an end. Contacts, as I already knew, must be removed every night and put back in every morning. What a bummer! So maybe I still haven’t really conquered the task just quite yet. Already I have ripped one lens, dropped another (and found it stuck to the soap dispenser bottle) and placed one in backwards (ouch),but I move on with the hopes that great vision is still within my grasp. Its only been three days and it hasn’t gotten much easier, but when I do get (the one lens) it in, seeing everything clear again makes it worth the effort.

Already I know the best thing about reading so easily again. Perusing a menu and actually knowing what I am ordering instead of ordering out of frustration or with the aide of my trusted sidekick’s vocal descriptions. Life is good!

Over or under?!?

Friday, January 8th, 2010

So for the last time. The toilet paper is on the roll correctly when the paper rolls over the TOP!!!

When was the last time you were in a hotel ( 1/2 hour rate motels don’t count) and saw it unrolling from underneath.

Get it right already! And check out this site for SHITS and Grins

http://www.probabilityof.com/toilet.shtmltoilet_roll_edgeoftherollfacingaway

(yeah so some stupid things really bother me…)

Just one man’s opinion

The Regular Guy

I am now my dad

Saturday, June 6th, 2009

Middle age has a way of creeping up on you. One day you’re this young guy and the next day your not. The crazy thing about it is I realize it every morning when I look into the bathroom mirror that the man I used to be is no more.

When we are young, we tend to think that everyone else is old. For instance, when I was a boy in fifth grade, I had this crush on my teacher, who I thought was so old. Not old in a grandma sense, but older, like my parents. Looking back on it now, she probably was my parents age, which would put her around twenty-five. When I was twenty five, I thought my dad was so old. He was only forty-nine then, which is of course what I will be in less than a months time.

So how does it happen that one day we wake up, look in the mirror and we see our dad? When he was forty-nine, I thought he was old, but now that I am the same age, I don’t feel like I am old. It truly is a crazy thing. I don’t feel any older now than I did when I was twenty-five, but when I see my reflection, I have to believe that I am forty-eight. Looking in that mirror every morning I see a guy I think is some one else. I see a guy with a gray hair, love handles (that used to go away at least once in a while), hair in places that I never had it and missing from places I did. Maybe the most convincing thing about aging is how our bodies don’t just respond so fast anymore. Getting out of bed each morning takes a series of steps to insure that I don’t twist something the wrong way and wind up out of work for a week with a bad back. What used to be a jump out of bed is now a deep breathe and push up on my elbow to take the stress off my lower back.

I watched my dad age but never heard him speak about it until he was in his fifties. Him and his friends would joke about things like getting out of bed every night two or three times to pee. I just thought he was being funny or something and never payed much attention to it, but now its my friends who are saying the same things. With all the talk about prostate problems, its something our generation needs to pay attention to, and could probably learn a lot about from our dads.

People, especially young girls, treat you differently at this age too. Most young girls stop noticing men at about age forty. You can go to a club now and twenty- somethings walk by you like you are invisible. Waitress’s call you “sir” which at first makes you look around like she must be talking to someone else.  This is not really good for your ego. I hear women get really pissed when people call them “ma’am”.

Although aging is a tough pill to swallow, it’s really not such a bad time for the Regular guy. A lot of good things happen to you when you reach this age. You find that there are more things in life to laugh about, even if it’s something that drives you crazy. Your relationship with a woman is easier because you both have done most of the stupid stuff already and hopefully won’t repeat the earlier mistakes. Your kids are probably grown and now you have time for yourself again to enjoy the things that you couldn’t do for years. Your friends are different too. They are around more now then they were when you were younger and they are better now too. There is a sense of oneness with each other that is unlike when you were younger. I think its a feeling that we all came so far in our lives and that it’s good to have friends to share those experiences with. When you were young it was every guy for himself, but now it’s more like a “band of brothers”.

In my mind I am still twenty-five. I say twenty-five because that is the age that I think we become men.You leave the boy behind and people notice that. You start to get the respect that you have earned from your family, friends and co-workers. You are probably in the early stages of your career and feeling good about how far you have come. Your starting to aquire things like your own place and a cool car. You are responsible for yourself now and thats okay with you. I liked being twenty-five. It’s just the right age. Not too young and definitely not old. Your whole life is out there waiting for you.

You know the only problem with being young?  It is that you don’t realize that you are and how fast time will go by. I don’t have many regrets in my life and probably wouldn’t change a too much, because if I did, I would not have met my wife. When I was young I didn’t do too much except work. Building a business will do that to you. Luckily when I turned thirty-six,  I woke up and realized I needed to balance my life better. Since then, I have made up for most of the lost years I had while building a successful business. Today I can say that the balance is pretty damn good.

We learn a lot as we age and hopefully with all that we learn, we can make aging a positive thing. People say that men age gracefully so that’s a positive thing to look forward to. And I hear ARPP isn’t such a bad thing either. They make a five minute hair dye for men that is probably one of the reasons a man can age gracefully. If this is middle age we still have a lot of time left, so get busy! Don’t let the second half of your life slip by like the first half might have.

Being my dad is not so bad after all.

Mid Life Crisis…It’s just a Cosmo thing

Tuesday, May 26th, 2009

Mid life crisis in men does not exist. That’s right, and I am not afraid to shout it out. The so called “mid life crisis” was made up by some pissed off woman who probably worked or wrote for Cosmopolitan magazine. So for those of you Regular guys who don’t know what the term pertains to here is a quick synopsis.

As we age, probably somewhere between 40 and 55, (hence the “mid life”),we “supposedly” go through a depressed state in our lives where we begin to search our selves in hopes of regaining a portion of our youth (remember this part because it will come up again later). In that search we almost always find a younger woman, a sports car or motorcycle, and some times one or more tattoos . Yes, we all know someone like this. The “crisis” part of this happens when we find the younger woman. The “crisis”, as I see it, is a result of an affair with this younger woman or an ensuing divorce that is the result of the affair with this younger woman. Okay, so that’s the short and to the point, quick overview.

My take on this is very different. Yes I do agree that we begin to search ourselves somewhere at this age level, but that is where my agreeing ends. It is my belief, that most men have basically the same wants, urges, desires, and needs that we somehow all acquire at a very young age. This “thing” that we are born with is why women tend to think of us as boys, dirty old men, pigs, immature, and maybe even a little selfish. This isn’t something we ask for but is inherently passed along from generation to generation.

This unexplainable gene that none of us know how or why it’s there, keeps us searching from our youth, for the same things in life. It is the thing that makes us want or desire things like women, big screen televisions, fast cars, sports,etc. It’s partly those desires that we are taught to control from our earliest days and all through life, because as we are told, we will never get a good woman to marry us if we don’t. In our childhood we fight the good fight to be who we are but usually in the end we give in and conform to what women think we should be. We give up the things that make us who we are to marry, support a wife, help raise the children, put them through college, and see them off into their own lives. But all along as we do what we are supposed to do, we continue to fight the urges to be who we are.

Thinking back, we all wanted or for some of us, owned, a car that defined who we thought we were. Maybe it was a 1970 Chevelle Super Sport or one of those “screaming chicken on the hood” Trans Ams from the seventies, but now we have to drive a mini van or if we get lucky we get an SUV. But down deep we all look at those two door BMW’s or that new Corvette and dream about what we would feel like if we were driving that car instead. We remember how those cars made us feel when we were young and miss those days past. Or the better example I like to give is the one I like to call my “convertible wife”. Think back to when you would pick up your girl friend for a date and have the top down or the t-tops off, windows open and cassette tape blasting and she would jump into the car singing and laughing and ready for the night of her life. Now lets take a ride in our time machine and fast forward to today. You and your wife have a Saturday afternoon to yourself and you just finished washing and waxing that new convertible that you finally, after all these years, found a way to make your own.You make plans with her to go to a friends house for a beer and some laughs. You hop in the car and turn up the tunes and anxiously await her arrival. She approaches the car and screams for you to “lower the damn radio will ya’ ” and proceeds to get in. Upon take off, she reminds you to put the top up because she “just did her hair” and the “wind will be too much”.  POP!!! HISSSSSS!!! That is the sound of a feel good moment being sucked away from a middle aged  Regular guy. The excitement that once was is now gone because we can not be who we really are.

The thing is, middle age shouldn’t be a “crisis” for men, but should be a celebration. Middle age is an opportunity for us to get back the things in our past life that made us who we are today. By middle age hopefully our kids have grown and so has our disposable income. It is our chance to return to our youth and celebrate what was so good in our lives when it was just that, OUR life. This does not imply that we do not appreciate all the good that has come from our marriage and family but that at this point in our life we can have a little of our own space back. This is one reason why classic cars from the sixties and seventies are so popular today. It is guys like you and me, in mid life, who are trying to get back a piece of our youth that we cherished so much. It reminds us of how simple things were then. When we didn’t have so much responsibility and everything was about what made US happy.

Hooking up with that younger woman isn’t really so much about her age as it is about her attitude. Go back to the story about the “convertible wife” That same woman was probably  that young girl at one time in her life, carefree then, but since changed. Women will argue with me about this all the time. They try to use the excuse that they “grew up” and so should we.

I say is that  “grow up” or “grow old”? There is an old saying that I once heard that makes me understand more and more why relationships sometimes don’t work out. It goes like this. “Men marry women hoping they won’t change, and women marry men hoping they will”. This is probably truer than any other single thing in a marriage between a man and a woman. This is especially true when a child is brought into the fold. Something about a woman changes almost overnight when she gives birth and becomes a mom. It is almost like a woman has two different personalities during her life. Somehow motherhood robs them of the carefree approach to life that they had before giving birth.

I ride a motorcycle with a great group of guys I call my friends. There are five of us that ride once a week, every week.  We spend one night a week together and sometimes the subject of  relationships come up.  The one thing that remains constant through all the talk, jokes and sarcasm, is that we love our wives. The other common thread we share is that our wives don’t understand or appreciate who we are. Especially when it pertains to sex but mostly when it comes to just listening to what we want from our relationships and our life. The story of the “convertible wife” always rings true to the group of men I am part of. They all agree that women change more than men do. They all feel that one of the main reasons a man would cheat is because his wife stopped being who she was when they met. That “younger girl” who they are looking for, should really be their wife. They still want to experience that carefree attitude they shared when they first met and they want to share it with the person they love. Married life has become too complicated and we all just want to make it simple again. You know,  just get up and go!

To say that men are experience a “mid life crisis” is totally absurd. We are just looking to get back a part of our life that we gave up to be the responsible husbands and /or fathers that we are today. It’s just men trying to be who we really are. Trying to express ourselves in a way that seems stupid or irresponsible to women but just ordinary to us. This isn’t a “crisis” that we are experiencing just a rebirth of a part of the person we used to be. There isn’t anything wrong with this other than some women not accepting that we are who we are and we will never change. This should be embraced by women because those of you who married us, fell in love with us back when we were who we were. Maybe it’s time to try to understand why we are this way, rather than try to change us into something that we don’t want to be. We are different and there is nothing wrong with that. We can not be like women and it’s really not a bad thing. After all, you have enough girlfriends already…..

Just one mans opinion..

The Regular Guy

The Regular Guy Marriage and Sex Survey

Wednesday, April 1st, 2009

Men like to talk about marriage and sex. Well let me rephrase that…men usually always talk about marriage and sex. More so sex than marriage but marriage or even better,  “the wife”. So what does the Regular Guy think about marriage and sex? To get a better idea, I sent out a survey to 15  married Regular Guys that I know.  Out of the 15 requests sent, 9 were willing to spend five minutes of their time to take the survey. The survey was confidential, although I believe some thought it wasn’t and that their name would appear beside their answers.  Too bad because the 9 responses returned some interesting, some typical, some surprising and some exactly as I thought, answers to how men feel about their marriage and sex.

My first thoughts about the survey revolved around love, happiness and reasons men married their wives. Of the 9 guys surveyed, 90% were in love when they married and 100% were in love with their wives today, but only 65% were happily married. The top two reasons as to why these men married were love, 75%, and best friend 35%. Along those lines, 65% of these men stated that they hang out with their wives alone for fun, other than for vacations or family functions. That’s pretty telling because a lot of men usually talk about getting away from their wives but this shows the opposite.

The majority of these men, 62%,  said that they enjoy sex with their wives but 85% said they wanted it more than their wives did. Curiously enough, 82% thought that their wives sex drive changed for the worse since they were first married, and the number one cause was because of children in the marriage.  When asked if their wives asked, initiated or invited sex as often as they wanted it, 43% said no” shes never in the mood” and 43% said “yes, but she doesn’t always initiate it.” Pretty even split there.

The last question probably explains why we are so far apart with the way we think about sex.  When asked if they believed their wives understood the male sex drive. 75% said ” no, and they really don’t understand or care about our sex drive”.

So what does all this mean? I always believed that men and women never really take the time to learn about what each other truely wants and needs with sex in a marriage. Oh yeah they probably talk about it or talk at each other but as men we feel that it just falls on deaf ears. I also believe that children in a marriage become the number one thing to the woman, where in a marriage without children, the man is still the most important thing. That is usually the what I hear most from married men. They believe that they are no longer number one and that bothers them. They can’t understand why women change so much as they age.Most understand that the children are probably the reason why they change. My favorite example of the change is the “convertible test”. Can you remember a young girl who is offered a ride in a convertible say no because her hair will get messed up. Never, but take that same girl some 30 years later and there is no way shes getting in a convertible with the top down. Hell my friends wife won’t let him take the top off his Vette while shes in it.

I once heard a saying that is so true. ” Men marry women hoping they never change and women marry men hoping they do”. How true is that saying. When I say that around my friends they can’t believe how true it is especially in their marriage. They think back to how it was when they first met their wives and the things they used to do with each other. Now those same things wouldn’t even be considered by their wives. This my friends is why we have what women call “MID LIFE CRISIS”. We want the same things we always did but can’t have them anymore.

If your interested in taking the survey, just click on the picture of the “blue monkey face” in my favorites links area on this page.

The Regular Guy