Posts Tagged ‘relationships’

Waiting for your soul mate?

Tuesday, July 7th, 2015

“You have half our gifts. I the other. Together we make a whole. Together we are much more powerful.” – Joss Stirl

Do I believe in “soul mates”?  I believe in the possibility that they can exist. Not by chance but by cause and effect.

Do I think that by some random chance there is someone out there that is the bLife-Love-Quotes-Youre-My-Soul-Mateest possible person for me? Not really. Do I believe that there is someone out there who COULD be the best possible person for me? Yes I do.

I don’t think a soul mate has to be left to chance. I believe that if you become open to who the person you are with is, you can become their soul mate. I know that if I spend enough time paying attention to the person I am with, I could become her soul mate. If I knew all her crazy quirks and played along to them. If I listened to her stories instead of texting while she was telling them. If I bring home the milk for her tea when shes out, without her asking. If I know she is angry and doesn’t need advice but just an ear to bounce it off. In time, I would be her soul mate.

I believe that if I were to do all the little things we often overlook, and even if she didn’t notice, someday she would look back and say she met her soul mate. Knowing what she wants before she asks isn’t esp its just called paying attention. There are so many little examples every day that occur that we can take a note of and bank for later. Favorite foods. Clean shaven face. Holding doors. Walking next to not in front of her. As some one once said ” its the little things that add up”

We don’t have someone out there who is waiting in the wings, that knows all these things. They take time to learn and then nurture into something that matters. Its all the small stuff that amounts to why someone stays in a relationship. It’s the things that make you feel loved. That make you feel like you matter. That make you feel like life wouldn’t be as good without her. The things that only two people share that they feel just from being in the same room together. The stuff you can’t pay for or fake. It’s the real things that only come from a connection, a bond , shared by two people open enough to accept into their life. There is something about being human , in our DNA, that allows us the chance to bond eternally, if we are open to it

What makes it so hard to have a soul mate is “it takes two to tango”. You can’t be someones soul mate without them being yours. Won’t work. Nope. So if you go about your life trying to do all the little things and get nothing in return, it won’t happen. Nada. Ziltch. Zippo.That is where the connection comes from. Both people need to open their hearts and minds to each other. And for that to happen, you would need to make your relationship the most important thing in your lives.

The real challenge is wanting and working for a soul mate, not searching or waiting for one.

Just one man’s opinion

The Regular Guy

Affairing Down…Part II

Tuesday, May 24th, 2011

Carson
Thanks for checking out my site.
It has always been my belief that men cheat because they are weak. Period!. We all get tested at some point and we all know that once we pull the trigger, there is no going back. I think that down deep most of the cheats don’t care if they get caught, because I would say they believe they have good reason. Not so much the one time cheat, but the flagrant ones like Tiger and now Arnold. Those men knew exactly what they were doing and in their mind they were okay with it. I can’t see how any man who cheats and feels remorse, can go back over and over and sometimes even lead a double life. Let’s face it, if we all thought we would never get caught, a very high percentage of us would do it. WE have never really lost that “caveman” in us, but have seemingly learned how to control it. After all, being in a civilized society makes us. As for why we seem to “affair down”, which clearly is the case with Arnold (even though Maria isn’t really that good looking), I can’t figure it out. You would think that we would “make it count ” so at least if we were caught, our spouse could understand the temptation behind it. But what does a spouse think when she sees the other woman is a “double bagger”! That must really freak them out. Anyway, as a man I can always understand why a guy cheats, but I can’t always condone it. Yes I did write that. Only because I understand how frustrating it is to have a partner that won’t meet you at least half way to satisfy your sexual desires. When a woman hears you asking for more of her and she gives you less or even worse, ignores your pleas, then yes I can condone it. It always befuddles me when a woman turns a deaf ear to her partner then acts all surprised and hurt when he strays. Maybe leaving the relationship is the best way but most men are afraid to do that, more so when children are involved. So they stray to find the missing intimacy or sex but still want to keep the family they have intact.

Just one man’s opinion….
The Regular Guy

Affairing down

Tuesday, May 24th, 2011

Hey Regular Guy

I stumbled upon your blog while Googling why so many men “affair down” – meaning, of course, the majority of men who cheat do so with women who are not nearly as attractive as their wives or girlfriends. There are TONS of hits about this on Google.(As evidenced by Jesse James, Tiger Woods, the Governator to just name a few.) I have read your posts about men and the “Chip”, which I do agree with. Do you believe then that it is because of the ever-prevalent notion of sex in the male brain that leads most (not all, of course, but most) men to cheat on their wives or girlfriends with less attractive women? Logically, one would think if you’re going to risk your relationship, you’d do it with someone who would be a “trade up”. I’d be interested to hear your thoughts.

Carson

Searching for Mr Right

Sunday, May 15th, 2011

It seems to me that there is quite a crowd of women between the ages of 30 and 40 who can not find Mr Right.

Online dating sites brag about the rate people that find love using  their programs, but in real life they seem to fall short of their lofty success reports. Women between the ages of 30 and 40 are finding themselves in limbo when it comes to landing the man of their dreams, especially if they have high standards. More and more I hear how there are so few “good” men out there and that the ones they date always fall short of capturing not just their heart but simply their interest.

Yesterday I stood between four women aged 35 to 50 and listened to them question ones relationship status. This woman being questioned is about to turn 40 and had been through a marriage that went bad. That was 7 years ago and today, she finds herself still looking for Mr Right. Sandy (not her real name) is a great girl who is not only very attractive but intelligent, witty, honest and sincere. She is also very independent and well liked by everyone who knows her. Why then can’t she find what shes looking for? She explained how just recently she met a new guy, who is 40 and without baggage (means no ex wife, no kids) which is rare these days. She also mentioned that he would like children and that is one of the things Sandy is looking for in a man. One of the women stated that at 40, he knows what he wants as opposed to earlier in his life. I laughed aloud when I heard that statement because usually men say they can not figure out women because they are always changing. t Matter of fact, men who are married often state that their wives are no longer the girl they married (see earlier posts for more on this). When I laughed they asked why I had, and I couldn’t help but chime in. I said that men were simple in what they want and that it never changes. Perhaps it’s that women at this age don’t want the same things as they did years ago when we were closer in what we both wanted and expected from each other. I said that men wanted the same things now as we did then. Sex, good food, toys and laughter. Its is really very simple, but for a woman at this age the sex we want is always too much, women don’t have time to cook or don’t know how, the love of cars, motorcycles, sports, and electronics never did anything for woman to begin with, and laughter is childish( ie: the Three Stooges come to mind). A good example might be this: In high school just about every girl wanted the jock boyfriend. He was into all the things I mentioned above and to some extent so was she. She played sports or went to to the games(maybe to meet one of the jocks). She thought his car was “cool” especially if it was a convertible, because then everyone could see her in it. Now, if you look at that guy today, he is still the same but the woman his age considers him “childish” for being the same man today as he was back then. Today the women want the “geek” who back in high school they made fun of or never paid any attention to his attraction to her. He was weird or goofy, skinny or dressed funny. Not COOL. Too bad because now all those great guys are probably the nerds who are married and successful. Oh the jocks are probably married too or they are bald and fat and are now the unattractive ones. One hell of a vicious cycle huh?

So in this day of single girls outnumbering single guys, where does a great girl find her soul mate? That question will probably go without answer forever because as they say “you can’t force love because it happens when you least expect it”.

Just one mans opinion…

The Regular Guy

 

Go away little girl?

Wednesday, April 6th, 2011



What do you guys think?

Emotional cheating, ego boosting or something else?

An old girlfriend/ex-wife/gal-pal is constantly emailing or texting you just to stay in touch. She’s told you in the past that she is unhappy with her current relationship, so you are flattered that she wants to lean on the “connection” the two of you once had. You even enjoy hearing from her. (You get the feeling she might take it further if you would.)

But you wouldn’t!! You are totally committed to and happy with your current relationship. Even so, the attention is nice and at times you still think about *her* and wonder, “What if…?” 

Do you:

1)      Write back to her and continue to engage in *harmless* chatting?

2)      Ignore her attempts to stay in touch?

3)      Delete or block her email/phone number?

4)      Ask her to stop contacting you?

5)      Invite her to go out with you and your spouse/partner?

 I expect to hear lots of “It depends…” on this one. I’m curious what those qualifiers would be.

 Ladies— substitute boyfriend/ex and all the appropriate pronouns above and share your thoughts.

Why skirt the flirting?

Tuesday, March 15th, 2011

I had dinner with my friend Sara recently and as we reminisced about years of working together, the conversation turned to relationships. She and her husband had recently celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary. It was her husband’s second marriage, but Sara’s first. I asked her the secret of their success.

She had a twinkle her in eye as she told me about Tom.

“He made me feel comfortable right from the start,” she said. “I knew I could be myself and he would accept me for who I am – both the good and the not-so-good. It seems to work for us. He’s easy-going and I’m a little intense, but he just lets that roll.”

I’ve watched them together. They kid each other often. They laugh and show respect for each other. Sara is somewhat of a caretaker and Tom likes this. Yet he knows how to make her feel loved and cared for, too.

And he’s a big flirt! Though I don’t see them often, a few other mutual friends and I have observed that Tom is generally focused on women and freely expresses his appreciation of their beauty, bodies, sex appeal, etc. Sometimes we think it’s icky. But Sara has never once complained or expressed discomfort with it.

So why do some people become jealous of every tiny bit of attention a partner pays to someone else, while others don’t mind this a bit?

I think it depends on the strength of the intimate relationship — a strong loving relationship, shared mutually, leaves no room for jealousy. If each partner is truly being kind to the other (as the Regular Guy purports) and if they often are doing little things to enrich the relationship, then a little flirting shouldn’t rock their world. It might even enhance it! It’s nice to see that other people appreciate your date/mate.

Self-confidence helps, too. Insecurity breeds disinterest. And trouble can follow.

What happens outside the relationship can only become significant if nothing is happening inside the relationship. (A topic for another post.) It takes a committed pair to turn a budding romance into a 25-year marriage. Cheers to all those who take it seriously and succeed, and especially to Sara and Tom!