Some one tell me why in Gods name would ANYONE, man or woman buy a candle for a man? Does a person stand in the middle of a chachki store with scented candle in hand with a smile on their face and say” Wow, Joe is going to love this!”

Men don’t do well with gifts. I can understand now what my dad went through all those years for birthdays and Christmas. How hard it must have been for him to smile when inside he was probably thinking” What the hell am I going to do with this singing fish?”

Men don’t do well with gifts especially when women buy them. Not always but most often true, women don’t get us in life, so picking gifts for us is just nuts. Most of us have everything we want, unless its too expensive to buy, which means we aren’t going to get that as a gift from someone else!

So what do you buy for the Regular guy? Probably nothing. Unless you pay attention to what he does in life and especially in his spare time, then nothing works better that a gift card.

In closing, perhaps an example of such a tragic gift story would be fitting. This is what happens when, not one, but two women engage in what they believe is the perfect gift for yours truly.

At some time in my past I mentioned that I always wanted a small pair of binoculars. One that I could easily carry, you know, like to the beach to check out bikini clad women ( What? Were you thinking I was going to say for a sporting event!). So armed with this information, my wife sets out to buy me the gift I always wanted!  UNFORTUNATELY, she shopped at a store that a woman she knows owns and this woman proceeded to talk her out of the small pair of binoculars. She instead, thought that a singular monocular would be much better for me. So, that Christmas, I got half the gift I always wanted!!

To be honest, in the end I did get my binoculars about two years and three gift occasions later but I figure you get the point. This past year I started a list with details like brand names, model numbers, colors, and even a contact person from which to buy these gifts. Not bad huh? Get to it guys……Merry Christmas!

Just one man’s opinion…

The Regular Guy

One minute things are as they always are. Happy, easy going and with no real thoughts about anything. Then in an instant, it changes.

Now you both aren’t talking. Well you talk but the words aren’t the same. They are short and given without intent to provide honest conversation. Even touching each other is awkward when it used to be natural. Almost as if you both forgot how its done.

Saying I love you now, is like giving in, when at a time like this, it is when it’s needed most. It’s been written that love meant never having to say you were sorry. Well men, that is not true.

Saying your sorry, especially when you feel that your side of the rift is the correct one, is the only way out of this mess. The problem is that it is always you that has to be the one to do it, in order for things to be normal again.

As hard as it is to always have to be the one to say “I’m sorry”, its even harder to live with the fact that you always give up what  you believe in just to keep the peace.

Maybe its just part of being a man. Maybe because our feelings can be hurt or we can be upset and then just move on. Start over when things are said and done like nothing happened. After all most men argue and then have a beer and its all forgotten. I guess it just isn’t that easy for women.

So now it’s just a matter of how long you decide to let this linger before you break the ice and clear the air, because you know she’s not going to do it. It’s really unfortunate that it has to come to this especially when you both know that the what caused this wasn’t even serious.

So with mop in hand, it’s time to clean up the mess you helped create.

Funny thing is that once its all cleaned up, it’s like it never happened. Back to hugs, back to kisses, back to meaningful conversation…..

Just one man’s opinion

The Regular Guy

I just read yesterday in a current edition of Men’s Fitness magazine that men NEED to ejaculate at least 21 times a month in order to lower the risk of prostate cancer. Now unless you are a rock star or Tiger Woods, that just isn’t happening. My advice is to seek a prescription from your doctor, “once a day before or after meals” or just take matters into your own hands…..

So every one’s supposed to be monogamous, right? That’s the general rule when in a relationship, especially a marriage. So why then does monogamy seem so hard to make work?

In an earlier post I wrote about Tiger Woods past indiscretions. The other day I heard that Jesse James has been cheating on Sandra Bullock for some 11 months or so.

It’s funny that most  guys seem to take the “is he crazy, he cheated on Sandra Bullock” approach. Not quite the same response I heard from friends when Brad Pitt cheated on Jennifer Aniston, probably because it was with Angelina Jolie. Most guys gave him a pass for that, their thinking being he traded up! I especially love the celebrity marriages. Yeah, these always stand the test of time!

The point I am trying to make is these guys don’t cheat to be with someone “better” or “prettier”. Just look at the other woman in most public affairs that are uncovered. Most of those other women are downright gnarly looking. These men just get caught up in the celebrity that they are and ride the wave. Last week on WFAN radio in New York, Craig Carton spoke out about why he thinks these guys do what they do so often. He basically said that most men would do the same thing if they had such power of celebrity. That it is just too easy because women fall all over them and the power goes to their head and nothing else matters.

It basically boils down to ego and the rush you get from the attention you are being given. At some point in every guy’s life his relationship will be tested. The men that fail can not control their ego, and the wave they are riding. Nothing else matters to them, not then and especially  not later, no matter what they say when they get caught. That’s why these guys keep doing the same thing over and over. There isn’t a force on earth (other than drugs) that I know of that can make a man cheat. He makes the choice, plain and simple.

Monogamy only exists  for men who make the effort. The men who put other things from their relationship before their own ego. It also helps to have a partner who recognizes that our ego plays a large part in how satisfied we are sexually. Men need constant reminders that their partner is interested in them, excited by them and happy with them sexually. That is why so many men wind up cheating after children are brought into the relationship. They become ghosts to their partners, and at some point they find those things that they lost, in another woman. That’s probably why so many celebrity marriages fail so often. They spend so little time with each other that the men can’t get those constant reminders from their wife so they look elsewhere. Why these women who marry them can’t figure this out by now is a mystery to me. Perhaps she believes she is different and he would never do that to her, after all she is Sandra Bullock!

I can’t tell you how many times I have commented to my wife that people need an alternative to fast food that is fresh and healthy. People…my request has been answered.

Mecafresh is the perfect place to escape to for a delicious meal made fast and made fresh. I have to say that upon entering the establishment I immediately had a good feeling. A large menu placed above the register provides an easy to read and understand outline, of the limited but extremely different choices that await you.

You will not find burgers, fried chicken or $5.00 foot longs here but you will find Mahi Mahi soft taco’s, freshly made Pad Thai noodles and some very different appetizers/sides. One that we tried was a twist on Eggplant Parmesan. Fresh slices dredged  in Panko crumbs, lightly fried then plated over tomato sauce and decorated with what I believe was a Pesto drizzle. Not something I would have expected to find here.

The fish taco is one of the best I have tasted and I compare them to a place called Surf Taco back in New Jersey. Both places use the freshest ingredients and are made to order. I would say that Mecafresh’s taco’s are better because they use grilled Mahi instead of fried, and they have a great tasting slaw and dressing.  The Pad Thai noodles were better examples of such, then I have had in two other full service eateries in this same town, one of which was a Thai restaurant. The difference, which I pointed out to the cook, was that his not only presented better   but also tasted like he just cut the vegetables minutes before he cooked the dish. I can tell you that we had crisp zucchini and squash , tender chicken and very tasty fresh cilantro tossed into the spicy peanut sauce. It’s beyond me how some restaurants prepare the ingredients hours before service, so much so, that you can’t determine exactly what vegetables you are eating.

We were served by ” Louie”, who introduced himself to us as one of the owners of Mecafresh. Being it was the first time we had tried Mecafresh, Louie made it a point to give us some background on his concept and how Mecafresh came about. If this meal represents how Louie plans on serving up this fine food, then he has a great future ahead of himself with his Mecafresh restaurant.

The Regular Guy Rating * * * *

Mecafresh

4203 S.E. Federal Highway
Stuart, FL 34997
(772) 286-3770

www.mecafesh.com

Restaurant.com has coupons for eateries all over the country and tonight my wife and I tried Sachi Sushi in Stuart Fl.

Upon entering the restaurant, we were impressed with the layout and design. the lighting was a little too low to be able to read the menu, but all in all the ambiance was very warm and inviting. You have a choice to sit at the sushi bar, a table or a small enclosed booth with cushions on the floor instead of chairs. The booth is enclosed in linen drapes that can be closed for privacy, a very nice touch. We opted for the table although I believe my wife wanted to sit in the cave!!

The menu in very extensive and we had a hard time trying to figure out what to order. Our waiter wasn’t very helpful with suggestions either and extremely difficult to understand.

We wound up ordering edamame, two sushi rolls, salads and an entree, Pork and Shrimp with Vietnamese sauce and rice noodles.

The edamame was very good as was the green tea. I like green tea but can’t seem to steep it just right and it winds up being bitter, so when I get a chance to have some out, I make sure to order it.

The salad was average and the dressings were odd. The peanut dressing was hot, which I think was a mistake and not an actual salad dressing. My wife’s dressing was an Asian ginger style but was pretty weak. We decided to mix them together and it wound up tasting good.

The rolls, although moderately priced, weren’t very impressive. They lacked plate appeal and were very ordinary in taste too. Nothing I would order again. Maybe we should have ordered a special style roll,, but then again no one suggested what was popular.

Our entree was weird. The noodles, pork and shrimp were in a bowl, and the Vietnamese dressing was on the side. We proceeded to mix the sauce into the dish and after tasting it we asked for some more peanut sauce and some chili pepper sauce to add some zip to the rather bland dish. The noodles were a decent portion but the pork amounted to less than a chops worth of meat and the shrimp were 21/25 count and only six or so were included with this dish.

The worst part of the meal wasn’t really the food as it was the poor service. Not that the waiter was bad, rude or inefficient but he didn’t talk to us to see if we were regulars or not. That is important because he could have made suggestions for a better meal than what we chose. The place was pretty busy for a Monday night so I would expect that some of the dishes they serve are probably very good.

All in all, we will return for a second try, as we have one more Restaurant.com certificate to use.

Regular Guy Rating  * * 1/2

Sachi Sushi

3508 SE Federal Hwy ( Rte 1 South)  Stuart Fl (in Publix shop center)

So here we go again. Another cheating guy gets caught. I especially enjoy the famous ones, like Tiger Woods. It is always interesting to hear what excuse the “Celebrity Cheat” uses. Athletes especially have a corner on the market for piss poor excuses.

Tiger Woods, who crashes his SUV, now turns out to be a long time cheater who now says he is sorry for his “transgressions” and he promises to “be a better man”. I love this crap!!!

Just once, once, that’s all, I would love for a guy to come out and say what he really should say. He should come clean and say that he cheated because he wanted to! Just about every guy I know comes to a point in his relationship when he is faced with the option to cheat or not cheat. I especially love it when guys like Woods says he’s sorry after almost two years of doing it. He’s not sorry. He’s just sorry he got caught!! Just listen to his voice message he left his girlfriend about his wife being on to him and that she might call her, so she should change her voice mail message to throw the wife off the trail. Yeah, that sounds like a guy who is sorry. Sorry my ass. He did it and he enjoyed it and he would still be doing it now if he could.

As the term that is used so frequently states “Be A Man!”. Stand up in front of everyone and tell us what we as men know already, that the temptation was too great and you were weak. That you knew exactly what you were doing and enjoyed it. That things at home probably weren’t what they used to be so you strayed. That it was all about the sex ( well at first it probably was). Just one time I want to here a guy say that he did it and he isn’t sorry and that its part of life that sometimes we do things that hurt other people but we do them anyway because it makes us happy. Sure we don’t cheat to hurt the one we are with but truthfully, we are being selfish and looking out for ourselves when we cheat. We do what feels right at the moment and then get caught up in the whole thing when it takes on a life of its own.

Personally I couldn’t do it. It would take to much energy to maintain a lie and worse yet, it is cruel to mislead a woman who probably loves and trusts me. Sure every guy thinks about cheating as I am sure many women do too. The problem with being a  guy is, like I said in my earlier posts, we have this “extra chip” in our makeup that keeps sex on our mind “all the time”. There just isn’t a way to do away with the thoughts of sex that pass through our mind too many times a day (for most women to believe). I think its a curse to be this way. It really isn’t fun and it takes up so much time in your life that eventually some guys like Woods, give in to the temptation.

I have always believed that given the right opportunity, most men would cheat even though they loved their wife ( girlfriend). It is rarely about the relationship they are in that causes them to cheat. How many times do you hear about some couple you know that appear happy, act happy and the wife thinks they are happy, but the husband cheats.

Men cheat for the thrill and women cheat because they no longer get what they are looking for from their husband ( boyfriend). I don’t mean this as absolute but it holds true most of the time. And when I say a woman cheats because she no longer gets what she wants, I don’t mean material things. I mean love, affection, attention, trust and respect from the person she needs it from. I admire women for that reason.

The one other problem I have with all of this is the other woman. Whats her deal? She’s a woman, so she knows what that would do to the mans wife if she found out. Are women really that way towards each other. On one hand they stand together in their beliefs about how men are but on the other hand they stab their on kind in the back the first chance they get. And the worse ones are like Wood’s girl, who saved pictures and recordings of the affair to use later on as a weapon for money or notoriety.

Some guy’s like Woods are real idiots. How can any man put himself in a position such as that when he has so much to lose? I know how strong the urges get to cheat but they can be controlled, especially when like Woods, everyone is going to get a piece of you because of this. Just think about all the people that are going to have a hand in his pocket now.

That’s why I say if you get caught, fess up and spill the beans. Tell us all how it really went down. Tell us why you keep going back for more with that girlfriend . Every guy out here wants the truth. We’re tired of the freakin’ attorney driven answers you lay on the press. Stand up tough guy and spit it out! Tell the truth and no one can hold anything against you or come out to the press with pictures to prove you lie. Maybe we have to wait until the dust clears, the wife leaves you, and you write the book!! Yeah that’s probably it (see Andre Agassi, Jose Canseco etc..) because your going to need some way to make that money back!

The Regular Guy…

Every so often you unexpectedly find a place that is everything you love about food. Atmosphere, music, wait staff, menu, drinks and so on and so on. Boca Chica is one of those places for me.

My wife has friends from New York who we very rarely see anymore so this trip was about getting together. One of her friends happened to mention this place she likes and recommended that we go there for dinner.

Boca Chica, ( I believe translates loosely into “sweet girl”), is very casual and hip. The music plays almost too loud for a restaurant but the place hops so you can understand why the loud tunes. Very colorful and with a Spanish/ south American / Mexican /Latino flair which makes me really comfortable and anxious to try the food.

When you are first seated, you are immediately served a sample plate of fried plantain chips with a spicy black bean dip. Not nearly enough to satisfy your cravings, but just enough for you to be tempted to order up a side to wash down your drinks. While I am on drinks, I love a good Mojito and for the record, this was not one of them. Tasty yes, but too too much ice and not enough Mojito, especially for the $8 price tag.

Boca Chica’s menu is loaded with ethnic favorites like chimichurri, plantains, tostones, yucca fries and the like. When I saw the Skirt Steak with chimichurri, rice and black beans, I was hooked. Ordered up with a side of plantains and yucca fries, I was set for the night. My wife ordered a grilled pork chop dinner with coconut mashed sweet potatoes and some crazy salsa that I can’t recall what the ingredients are but it was  outstanding. The portions are excellent and almost too much to finish but I worked hard to get it done never the less.

My steak was cooked perfectly as were all the side dishes. The slaw that they serve with most every dish tasted like jicama and was very good.My wife’s dinner was equally good and too much for her to finish so we left with the doggie bag.

All in all the dinner experience was better than I could have imagined and it will definitely be on my list of stops next time we return to the “City”.

Regular Guy rating  * * * *

Boca Chica

1st ave and 1st street

Manhattan NY

Reservations accepted.

I don’t talk much. Some people think I am aloof. Most people think I am in a bad mood. Alot of people think I don’t like them. Truth is, I don’t say much unless I feel it nescessary and quite frankly, no one usually cares enough to listen anyway!!!!

I have learned in my life that it is better to be a good listerner than it is to be a good talker. I have learned more listening than I ever will from talking. The problem is most people today don’t find anyone interesting enough to listen to before they talk.

We have become a society of people who care more about what they have to say than what the the other person does. I find it not only rude but frustrating.

The very worse case I have witnessed recently came at a training seminar I attended for Mediation. A woman therapist spoke for approximately 30 minutes and then gave the floor to the next speaker. During the time that the gentleman was speaking, no less than five times did she interrupt him to give her opinion. At one point she stole the floor from him. This woman had her own agenda and she was going to push it all day no matter whose turn it was to speak.

I come from a family of what Seinfeld would probably call “over-talkers”. You know them as the friend who never lets you finish a sentence. Or the employee who always finishes your sentence for you and doesn’t come close to what you were trying to say.

When did this happen. As a kid I would be scolded for such rude behavior and now it is commonly accepted. It is a standing joke between two friends of mine and myself, how they never let me finish a sentence. Worse yet is when they ask me a question and don’t bother to listen to the answer but turn away in the middle of it. My wife and I now continue talking to people who look away but we change the subject to something tragic like ” and then I cut my finger to the bone and had to have it stitched and blah blah”. At some point the person usually turns their attention back to us  without a clue as to what we are talking about. Pretty funny stuff.

So what is it with people that can’t shut their pie hole long enough for someone to answer their question? What makes people talk over someone in conversation? I think the reason is two fold. First, most people tell me that they think they will forget what they are going to say next so they blurt it out. Second, they lost their ability to listen. Everyone is in such a rush today that taking time to listen to someone slows their day down. They already know what you are going to say so why not move on. Or better yet, they have a similar story that they can’t wait to tell you. Another Seinfeld moment. “the one upper”. Oh yeah everyone knows one of these people. Always found the blouse cheaper, or their kid gets better grades, or they have a different model television that is better than yours.Anything you say they have a story just like it but better.At least they think its better.

So everyone just chill! Believe it or not, if you take the time to listen to what someone else has  to say you might find what you think you wanted to say might change.And maybe you just may learn something about that person you didn’t know.

I love to listen. I love to listen because no one else is and I hear everything. Being a Mediator, I do however have an unfair advantage,. Yes, being a Mediator I am trained to listen to what people have to say. That is how I have become so quiet and such a good listener. I am grateful for that training because people say very interesting things if you let them. And, if you really listen to people they will notice and pay more attention to what you have to say when it’s your turn to speak.

The best thing about not talking so much is that people notice. As I said in my opening paragraph, they form all sorts of ideas about me because I don’t talk as much as they think I should. Maybe they get some bad ideas about me but when I do talk, most of them listen very carefully. Probably because they are in shock when I do. Plus not talking so much keeps them guessing about what I am really like. It sort of gives me the upper hand in a weird way.  This way I figure that when I do say something maybe, just maybe,they will listen……Can you hear me now????

What is love and can it exist today?

Everyone seems to be in search of love. From the time we are young we are told that if we do the right things, we will find a girl who loves us and we will marry her, have a family and live a happy life. This is how a happy life is portrayed to most men and women from the time they are able to understand the birds and the bees.

Why is it then that we live in a society of people who have made divorce law a career choice for a vast amount of attorneys? Everything points to marriage as a bad option for a happy life. After all, over fifty percent of first marriages end in divorce. And if you think those odds are bad, second marriage divorces are over seventy five percent.

So why does love, if we finally find it, end so badly? Why do people lose the love they once had? Keeping it simple, I say it is because generally, we are selfish people. Most young people who get married now don’t know how to not be selfish. Today people are all about garnering material things. So much so that we have created a nation in debt, just so we can drive a nicer car than we can afford and feel good for the moment. Going into a marriage after living a life about “me” is a hard thing to change. Marriage is supposed to be about “us,” not “me”. The hard part about love is putting the other person first, not once in awhile but all the time. Being selfish, that’s just not something you can do and expect a long loving relationship. Just think about it for a minute. If each person considered their spouses feelings and needs before acting on something, it would make for a much better marriage. Just that one thing can change the whole marriage. And this is something that you have to be conscience of from the beginning and never let it slip away. It sounds crazy but take the selfishness out of the marriage and it removes most problems.

People lose the love they had because they stopped thinking about how to keep it. Again, this is something that has to be worked on. I once heard a saying that went like this. “If you want a happy marriage, you need to have a happy wife”. In other words fellas, do whatever it takes to make your wife happy and you will find happiness yourself. If you do all the little things like open doors, pull out chairs, save the last cookie for her, remember things she thinks you will forget, kiss her goodnight, walk next to her not in front of her, sit next to her in restaurants instead of across from her and hold her hand when she is near, she will “feel” how much you love her and return that love a hundred fold . You get what you give in life and no more so then in a marriage.

Too many of my friends have lost that love they once had with their wives and once lost it is extremely hard to rekindle. It takes double the effort because both people have forgotten what got them there. If you have children, that effort is even harder to maintain. Always the excuse that the kids come first. It wasn’t always that way when you first married but now it’s the way it is, or so everyone says. If you give into that, then your marriage is doomed. So many men have taken the back seat to their kids when they once were number one in the wife’s world. This just might be the reason so many men cheat. You can’t expect a man to come second to his kids for too long before he starts reaching out for what is missing at home. This is why it’s so important for couples to maintain the things they did when they met, when they were both the most important thing to each other.

Love doesn’t come easy and when it does, its harder to maintain. Love hits you like a brick but the mark won’t last long without a few stone throws to remind you how good it is. Love, like anything else in life that’s worth something, takes effort. That effort should be embraced and cherished because when you have love it makes it easier to deal with the terrible things we  face everyday. There isn’t a secret to what makes love last, its just how bad you want it to.

There are too many people, especially women,  who think they are in love. Everyone knows  someone like that. They tell you that they stay in a bad relationship because they love that person. They stay and think that their love can change that person, make them see the light. Wake up, people don’t change unless they want to. “A zebra can’t change his stripes”. I made that mistake once and my marriage ended in divorce. I saw the signs before getting married, but chose to ignore them. I believed that she would change after she saw how great our life could be. I was wrong and I wouldn’t listen to anyone who tried to tell me so. Get over it and move on. You deserve better. If a man loves a woman, he will tear down walls to get to her, and he will never take advantage of her love. Never. Be honest to yourself and find someone who is right for you.

On another note, you changing might be the difference in finding love. Love doesn’t always find you on your doorstep. Sometimes you have to leave your comfort zone and go out and find it. I know two women about thirty seven years old who have been searching for love since I met them some three years ago. It is constantly on their minds that they can not find Mr. Right. My advice to them has always been to move away to a new life. The person they are looking for isn’t in their neighborhood. My wife, changed her life and found me. She got tired of her life the way it was and figured she would never find the right guy while doing the same old things. She picked up, left her job, and moved out of state to start a new life. Less than two years later she met me and we married with in six months. Sometimes it takes drastic measures to meet the right Regular Guy!!!

Love is a strange thing. People who don’t have it, constantly search it out while people who found it don’t know how to keep it. If your a Regular Guy and want love to last, make an effort to keep it alive. Don’t give up so fast on love, because when love is right, it is your greatest chance for a healthy and long life.