Some one tell me why in Gods name would ANYONE, man or woman buy a candle for a man? Does a person stand in the middle of a chachki store with scented candle in hand with a smile on their face and say” Wow, Joe is going to love this!”

Men don’t do well with gifts. I can understand now what my dad went through all those years for birthdays and Christmas. How hard it must have been for him to smile when inside he was probably thinking” What the hell am I going to do with this singing fish?”

Men don’t do well with gifts especially when women buy them. Not always but most often true, women don’t get us in life, so picking gifts for us is just nuts. Most of us have everything we want, unless its too expensive to buy, which means we aren’t going to get that as a gift from someone else!

So what do you buy for the Regular guy? Probably nothing. Unless you pay attention to what he does in life and especially in his spare time, then nothing works better that a gift card.

In closing, perhaps an example of such a tragic gift story would be fitting. This is what happens when, not one, but two women engage in what they believe is the perfect gift for yours truly.

At some time in my past I mentioned that I always wanted a small pair of binoculars. One that I could easily carry, you know, like to the beach to check out bikini clad women ( What? Were you thinking I was going to say for a sporting event!). So armed with this information, my wife sets out to buy me the gift I always wanted!  UNFORTUNATELY, she shopped at a store that a woman she knows owns and this woman proceeded to talk her out of the small pair of binoculars. She instead, thought that a singular monocular would be much better for me. So, that Christmas, I got half the gift I always wanted!!

To be honest, in the end I did get my binoculars about two years and three gift occasions later but I figure you get the point. This past year I started a list with details like brand names, model numbers, colors, and even a contact person from which to buy these gifts. Not bad huh? Get to it guys……Merry Christmas!

Just one man’s opinion…

The Regular Guy

One minute things are as they always are. Happy, easy going and with no real thoughts about anything. Then in an instant, it changes.

Now you both aren’t talking. Well you talk but the words aren’t the same. They are short and given without intent to provide honest conversation. Even touching each other is awkward when it used to be natural. Almost as if you both forgot how its done.

Saying I love you now, is like giving in, when at a time like this, it is when it’s needed most. It’s been written that love meant never having to say you were sorry. Well men, that is not true.

Saying your sorry, especially when you feel that your side of the rift is the correct one, is the only way out of this mess. The problem is that it is always you that has to be the one to do it, in order for things to be normal again.

As hard as it is to always have to be the one to say “I’m sorry”, its even harder to live with the fact that you always give up what  you believe in just to keep the peace.

Maybe its just part of being a man. Maybe because our feelings can be hurt or we can be upset and then just move on. Start over when things are said and done like nothing happened. After all most men argue and then have a beer and its all forgotten. I guess it just isn’t that easy for women.

So now it’s just a matter of how long you decide to let this linger before you break the ice and clear the air, because you know she’s not going to do it. It’s really unfortunate that it has to come to this especially when you both know that the what caused this wasn’t even serious.

So with mop in hand, it’s time to clean up the mess you helped create.

Funny thing is that once its all cleaned up, it’s like it never happened. Back to hugs, back to kisses, back to meaningful conversation…..

Just one man’s opinion

The Regular Guy

I just read yesterday in a current edition of Men’s Fitness magazine that men NEED to ejaculate at least 21 times a month in order to lower the risk of prostate cancer. Now unless you are a rock star or Tiger Woods, that just isn’t happening. My advice is to seek a prescription from your doctor, “once a day before or after meals” or just take matters into your own hands…..

So every one’s supposed to be monogamous, right? That’s the general rule when in a relationship, especially a marriage. So why then does monogamy seem so hard to make work?

In an earlier post I wrote about Tiger Woods past indiscretions. The other day I heard that Jesse James has been cheating on Sandra Bullock for some 11 months or so.

It’s funny that most  guys seem to take the “is he crazy, he cheated on Sandra Bullock” approach. Not quite the same response I heard from friends when Brad Pitt cheated on Jennifer Aniston, probably because it was with Angelina Jolie. Most guys gave him a pass for that, their thinking being he traded up! I especially love the celebrity marriages. Yeah, these always stand the test of time!

The point I am trying to make is these guys don’t cheat to be with someone “better” or “prettier”. Just look at the other woman in most public affairs that are uncovered. Most of those other women are downright gnarly looking. These men just get caught up in the celebrity that they are and ride the wave. Last week on WFAN radio in New York, Craig Carton spoke out about why he thinks these guys do what they do so often. He basically said that most men would do the same thing if they had such power of celebrity. That it is just too easy because women fall all over them and the power goes to their head and nothing else matters.

It basically boils down to ego and the rush you get from the attention you are being given. At some point in every guy’s life his relationship will be tested. The men that fail can not control their ego, and the wave they are riding. Nothing else matters to them, not then and especially  not later, no matter what they say when they get caught. That’s why these guys keep doing the same thing over and over. There isn’t a force on earth (other than drugs) that I know of that can make a man cheat. He makes the choice, plain and simple.

Monogamy only exists  for men who make the effort. The men who put other things from their relationship before their own ego. It also helps to have a partner who recognizes that our ego plays a large part in how satisfied we are sexually. Men need constant reminders that their partner is interested in them, excited by them and happy with them sexually. That is why so many men wind up cheating after children are brought into the relationship. They become ghosts to their partners, and at some point they find those things that they lost, in another woman. That’s probably why so many celebrity marriages fail so often. They spend so little time with each other that the men can’t get those constant reminders from their wife so they look elsewhere. Why these women who marry them can’t figure this out by now is a mystery to me. Perhaps she believes she is different and he would never do that to her, after all she is Sandra Bullock!

We live in an over sensitive society. Peoples feelings get hurt by some of the silliest things. We have all heard the term “politically correct”, have we not.  It is so important that we do not offend our neighbor.

Tony Kornheiser, an ESPN show host, was suspended for two weeks, because he commented during his show, on the clothing that a co- worker, Hannah Storm, wore to a film premiere. The comment read like this: “Kornheiser described an outfit Storm was wearing at ESPN last week as “horrifying,” saying her shirt was too tight and looked “like she has sausage casing wrapping around her upper body.”(AP.).

I have to question why this is so bad. It isn’t like he said she looked like a two bit whore in that outfit. Today a comment like his is enough to get you suspended! You are not allowed to give your opinion on how someone is dressed. Other people get paid to comment on public figures like Hannah Storm’s attire, everyday. Just check out People magazine or the  Star. My question is this. If Kornheiser said this about his on air partner, Michael Wilbon, would he still be facing a suspension? I sincerely doubt it. Is it that we have to treat women differently than men? Is it that women are more sensitive than men? Did he really say something that bad, that he deserved to forfeit his pay and face the embarrassment of having to apologize for his comment.? Okay maybe he offended her, but it was just his opinion. It goes with freedom of speech.

My thought is that he works for the same company as she, and ESPN felt a need to set an example because everyone is so damn scared of being sued for sexual harassment. There is no way that this happens, had he commented on a fellow male co worker’s attire.

Wake up people and stop this craziness. There are far more serious things to suspend someone for. Punishing this man for stating how he felt a female co-workers  attire looked is over the top and ridiculous. The headline should have read ” Stuffed Sausage Storms in and Kiboshes Kornheiser!” At least I would have found that funny….

Just One Man’s Opinion..

The Regular Guy

Who is the person that started the Holiday Postcard trend? I for one can’t stand them!

Okay, at first your thinking what kind of person am I that I can’t stand looking at someones kids? I have to say that I am really tired of seeing pictures of kids that I never met, haven’t seen in years or are just plain scary looking. What makes people think that their kids on a postcard is what people want to see on their mantle. It has to be a woman thing, because I can’t see a guy thinking this is a good idea, unless he developed it and is making a fortune.  Really now, did you take a good look at some of the kids on these cards? Unibrows, hook noses, no necks, girls that look like guys, crazy clothing, funky hats  etc.. And now we get to see them as college students too! At that age you present a whole new problem because if they are good looking your husband is probably checking that one out over beers with his friends! Ha! And here’s a better one. How about the single girl with her dog picture. This girl doesn’t have kids or a regular guy so she thinks it’s cute to pose with a canine? And the dog is better looking than she is! Guess that”s why she’s not posing with a guy or her own kids. Not happening for her!

Five years ago it seemed like a pretty cool idea, but it’s time to put this fad to bed already. This years pictures we received took the cake and if it couldn’t get worse we received one with President Obama on it. Come on man, its the Holiday’s! Do I need to get your political statement on my Christmas card? Especially since I didn’t vote for the man. Whats next, advertisements?  Pillsbury presents “The Mitchell Twins”. The pop and fresh dough boy framed around to ugly duckling twins.

I always felt that greeting cards were a tremendous money maker for Hallmark and a big waste of money for the people sending them. Cards don’t get more than a glance by most and those who receive them seldom see or hear from the sender other than Holidays. It’s a shame now that we have reduced ourselves to sending pictures of children to friends they never met, when instead, making time to get together would do a lot more for developing a relationship. I say, throw out the cards and start using the phone. The minutes are free, long distance is a thing of the past and hearing from old friends is always better than seeing pictures of their children. This is all part of a bigger problem. With all the ways of communicating we have today we have lost touch with the human element. Visits and conversations have gone the way of texting and emails, and now picture postcards.

I sure do miss the “old days”………

Just one mans opinion

The Regular Guy

So here we go again. Another cheating guy gets caught. I especially enjoy the famous ones, like Tiger Woods. It is always interesting to hear what excuse the “Celebrity Cheat” uses. Athletes especially have a corner on the market for piss poor excuses.

Tiger Woods, who crashes his SUV, now turns out to be a long time cheater who now says he is sorry for his “transgressions” and he promises to “be a better man”. I love this crap!!!

Just once, once, that’s all, I would love for a guy to come out and say what he really should say. He should come clean and say that he cheated because he wanted to! Just about every guy I know comes to a point in his relationship when he is faced with the option to cheat or not cheat. I especially love it when guys like Woods says he’s sorry after almost two years of doing it. He’s not sorry. He’s just sorry he got caught!! Just listen to his voice message he left his girlfriend about his wife being on to him and that she might call her, so she should change her voice mail message to throw the wife off the trail. Yeah, that sounds like a guy who is sorry. Sorry my ass. He did it and he enjoyed it and he would still be doing it now if he could.

As the term that is used so frequently states “Be A Man!”. Stand up in front of everyone and tell us what we as men know already, that the temptation was too great and you were weak. That you knew exactly what you were doing and enjoyed it. That things at home probably weren’t what they used to be so you strayed. That it was all about the sex ( well at first it probably was). Just one time I want to here a guy say that he did it and he isn’t sorry and that its part of life that sometimes we do things that hurt other people but we do them anyway because it makes us happy. Sure we don’t cheat to hurt the one we are with but truthfully, we are being selfish and looking out for ourselves when we cheat. We do what feels right at the moment and then get caught up in the whole thing when it takes on a life of its own.

Personally I couldn’t do it. It would take to much energy to maintain a lie and worse yet, it is cruel to mislead a woman who probably loves and trusts me. Sure every guy thinks about cheating as I am sure many women do too. The problem with being a  guy is, like I said in my earlier posts, we have this “extra chip” in our makeup that keeps sex on our mind “all the time”. There just isn’t a way to do away with the thoughts of sex that pass through our mind too many times a day (for most women to believe). I think its a curse to be this way. It really isn’t fun and it takes up so much time in your life that eventually some guys like Woods, give in to the temptation.

I have always believed that given the right opportunity, most men would cheat even though they loved their wife ( girlfriend). It is rarely about the relationship they are in that causes them to cheat. How many times do you hear about some couple you know that appear happy, act happy and the wife thinks they are happy, but the husband cheats.

Men cheat for the thrill and women cheat because they no longer get what they are looking for from their husband ( boyfriend). I don’t mean this as absolute but it holds true most of the time. And when I say a woman cheats because she no longer gets what she wants, I don’t mean material things. I mean love, affection, attention, trust and respect from the person she needs it from. I admire women for that reason.

The one other problem I have with all of this is the other woman. Whats her deal? She’s a woman, so she knows what that would do to the mans wife if she found out. Are women really that way towards each other. On one hand they stand together in their beliefs about how men are but on the other hand they stab their on kind in the back the first chance they get. And the worse ones are like Wood’s girl, who saved pictures and recordings of the affair to use later on as a weapon for money or notoriety.

Some guy’s like Woods are real idiots. How can any man put himself in a position such as that when he has so much to lose? I know how strong the urges get to cheat but they can be controlled, especially when like Woods, everyone is going to get a piece of you because of this. Just think about all the people that are going to have a hand in his pocket now.

That’s why I say if you get caught, fess up and spill the beans. Tell us all how it really went down. Tell us why you keep going back for more with that girlfriend . Every guy out here wants the truth. We’re tired of the freakin’ attorney driven answers you lay on the press. Stand up tough guy and spit it out! Tell the truth and no one can hold anything against you or come out to the press with pictures to prove you lie. Maybe we have to wait until the dust clears, the wife leaves you, and you write the book!! Yeah that’s probably it (see Andre Agassi, Jose Canseco etc..) because your going to need some way to make that money back!

The Regular Guy…

What is love and can it exist today?

Everyone seems to be in search of love. From the time we are young we are told that if we do the right things, we will find a girl who loves us and we will marry her, have a family and live a happy life. This is how a happy life is portrayed to most men and women from the time they are able to understand the birds and the bees.

Why is it then that we live in a society of people who have made divorce law a career choice for a vast amount of attorneys? Everything points to marriage as a bad option for a happy life. After all, over fifty percent of first marriages end in divorce. And if you think those odds are bad, second marriage divorces are over seventy five percent.

So why does love, if we finally find it, end so badly? Why do people lose the love they once had? Keeping it simple, I say it is because generally, we are selfish people. Most young people who get married now don’t know how to not be selfish. Today people are all about garnering material things. So much so that we have created a nation in debt, just so we can drive a nicer car than we can afford and feel good for the moment. Going into a marriage after living a life about “me” is a hard thing to change. Marriage is supposed to be about “us,” not “me”. The hard part about love is putting the other person first, not once in awhile but all the time. Being selfish, that’s just not something you can do and expect a long loving relationship. Just think about it for a minute. If each person considered their spouses feelings and needs before acting on something, it would make for a much better marriage. Just that one thing can change the whole marriage. And this is something that you have to be conscience of from the beginning and never let it slip away. It sounds crazy but take the selfishness out of the marriage and it removes most problems.

People lose the love they had because they stopped thinking about how to keep it. Again, this is something that has to be worked on. I once heard a saying that went like this. “If you want a happy marriage, you need to have a happy wife”. In other words fellas, do whatever it takes to make your wife happy and you will find happiness yourself. If you do all the little things like open doors, pull out chairs, save the last cookie for her, remember things she thinks you will forget, kiss her goodnight, walk next to her not in front of her, sit next to her in restaurants instead of across from her and hold her hand when she is near, she will “feel” how much you love her and return that love a hundred fold . You get what you give in life and no more so then in a marriage.

Too many of my friends have lost that love they once had with their wives and once lost it is extremely hard to rekindle. It takes double the effort because both people have forgotten what got them there. If you have children, that effort is even harder to maintain. Always the excuse that the kids come first. It wasn’t always that way when you first married but now it’s the way it is, or so everyone says. If you give into that, then your marriage is doomed. So many men have taken the back seat to their kids when they once were number one in the wife’s world. This just might be the reason so many men cheat. You can’t expect a man to come second to his kids for too long before he starts reaching out for what is missing at home. This is why it’s so important for couples to maintain the things they did when they met, when they were both the most important thing to each other.

Love doesn’t come easy and when it does, its harder to maintain. Love hits you like a brick but the mark won’t last long without a few stone throws to remind you how good it is. Love, like anything else in life that’s worth something, takes effort. That effort should be embraced and cherished because when you have love it makes it easier to deal with the terrible things we  face everyday. There isn’t a secret to what makes love last, its just how bad you want it to.

There are too many people, especially women,  who think they are in love. Everyone knows  someone like that. They tell you that they stay in a bad relationship because they love that person. They stay and think that their love can change that person, make them see the light. Wake up, people don’t change unless they want to. “A zebra can’t change his stripes”. I made that mistake once and my marriage ended in divorce. I saw the signs before getting married, but chose to ignore them. I believed that she would change after she saw how great our life could be. I was wrong and I wouldn’t listen to anyone who tried to tell me so. Get over it and move on. You deserve better. If a man loves a woman, he will tear down walls to get to her, and he will never take advantage of her love. Never. Be honest to yourself and find someone who is right for you.

On another note, you changing might be the difference in finding love. Love doesn’t always find you on your doorstep. Sometimes you have to leave your comfort zone and go out and find it. I know two women about thirty seven years old who have been searching for love since I met them some three years ago. It is constantly on their minds that they can not find Mr. Right. My advice to them has always been to move away to a new life. The person they are looking for isn’t in their neighborhood. My wife, changed her life and found me. She got tired of her life the way it was and figured she would never find the right guy while doing the same old things. She picked up, left her job, and moved out of state to start a new life. Less than two years later she met me and we married with in six months. Sometimes it takes drastic measures to meet the right Regular Guy!!!

Love is a strange thing. People who don’t have it, constantly search it out while people who found it don’t know how to keep it. If your a Regular Guy and want love to last, make an effort to keep it alive. Don’t give up so fast on love, because when love is right, it is your greatest chance for a healthy and long life.

I consider myself a pretty easy and outgoing guy, outside of work , that is. All things considered though , I don’t have many friends. I have had a lot of “friends” over the course of my life, but they never really seem to stick around.

Lets start with when we are young, say grade school age. How many friends do you have that stuck around since you were between thirteen and seventeen? Me, I don’t have any. I had at least 25 “friends” from my school days, two of which I considered brothers I never had. Those two were the toughest to lose. How about between the ages of eighteen and twenty-five? Most of us just started working or went to college during these years. I have one friend that stayed in my life since then. One other who stayed “friends” for some twenty years,  just decided one day he had enough and never called again. How can someone just walk away after so many years and not even wonder  how the other person is doing,  and just call .

After twenty-five it gets hard to meet new friends. Oh yeah we meet alot of guys from work or our kids father’s, or our wives friend’s husbands but they rarely amount to much. “True”, and I’ll say it again, “true” friends are extremely hard to find and even harder to keep.

What is it with guys and friendships? It doesn’t seem to work for us as much as it does with women.It seems to me that women go out of their way to hold on to friends , whereas men always seem to have a reason why they can’t just “get together “anymore. And not even that it’s  hard to get together but they can’t seem to tell you to your face that they have something else they would rather do. It’s always “I’ll let you know tomorrow ” but tomorrow never comes. I hear those words now and I start making other plans.

Probably the worst case of a bad friend is when he meets a girl. He no longer can say yes or no to any plans you might have because he’s scared to say yes without knowing how his girl will react. Or maybe he’s just afraid to do things without her because he feels she will do things with out him too. That’s the “insecure friend”. Say goodbye to him until she leaves him for someone else. Why do men suddenly turn into wimps when they meet a girl? Do women really have this strange mystical power over us? I do not buy into it and here’s why. The same guy who used to hang out with you meets this wonderful young lady and so starts his disappearing act. At first you guys still hang out most of the time, and then as double dates. Then you start noticing he always has something to do. His life just got so filled up he can’t find the time to hang out and watch a game. So after years of this you give up and look in another direction. But  just as you give up here comes Joe friend again. Now he’s married and he has a couple of kids that are older and he can’t stand being in the house anymore . His wife’s a nag and his kids don’t even pay attention to him unless they need something, like money. So now he’s calling you all the time and trying to hang out. So you see, women don’t have pixie dust, it’s men who somehow can’t give a shit about friendships unless it is convenient or self serving.

I do however notice a very strange thing about men and friendships. Men can go for ten years without seeing you, then meet up with you some day and talk like it was yesterday that you last hung out. They will go on and on about how it used to be and  how great those days were, and then comes the killer ending. ” We have to get together some time”  or “its been too long and we can’t let this happen again”. You know right there…it’s the kiss of death. You aren’t going to see this bum for another ten years.

What does it really take to have a friendship?  I have a very simple idea of what makes a good friend. Just call me. That’s it, plain and simple. Just call me every month or so and say hello. Not much huh? You know what happens when friends call each other? Things happen! Thats right, things happen. Just by chance something you talk about will lead to a get together or a lending of the hand to help move a piece of furniture. That’s all it really takes to keep a friendship alive. Think about all the friends you had in your life and how many of them would still be a part of it , if only they called you. I think about it all the time and it is the saddest part of my life. Losing my friends is the saddest part of my life.

I always believed that true friends were hard to find and that I would do my best to preserve a friendship. But I also learned that just one persons attempts will not keep a friendship intact. At some point you will concede and the friendship will end, because you were the only one in it.

I am happy to say that not all friendships end a ghastly death. I do have a few close ones that  weathered the storm over the years and came out intact. Funny as it may be, my closest friends all live either an hour or hundreds of miles away. We have worked at staying friends no matter how distant we are from each other. We don’t see each other much but we do phone each other  all the time. And that is, as I said earlier, the key to a lasting and true friendship. Hard to believe that with all the cell phones we have today some of us still can’t find the time to just pick up the phone and say “hello my friend, hello….”