There are infinite blogging sites on the web and access to just about any topic is just a search away. Everyone who blogs has their reason for doing so. Here is mine…..
I started my blog to just give myself a place that I could release all my thoughts without having to speak directly to someone but also to have the ability to speak to anyone interested in listening.
But years later, after giving this some thought, I realized I do this to leave something behind after I am gone. I believe, we are all here for a reason and that we all leave a mark on someone. An imprint, good or bad but something that will live on long after we leave this life.
Our lives are so busy. Friends and family rarely spend time together like in the old days, when weekends were for visiting grandmas house and having dinner with half the family! Those days are long gone and now, trying to just see your family can be difficult when so many of us live a great distance from where we all grew up.
I guess with the point I am trying to make, I should be more specific and talk about my life and experience.
I am a divorced dad, albeit its been decades from when I was married to my daughters mom, but being a divorced dad usually leads to more separation from your child then that of a mom. Most moms get residential custody so they spend time with their child as if nothing changed. They wake each day in the same house, watch television, do homework and eat together. They talk daily about everything that happens in each others life. But as a dad, we often miss all the little things when a child gets to know a parent. This is a major reason why dads often become outsiders or don’t always know what their children want. The early stages in a child’s life is when they learn what type of parents they have. How much can they get away with from one? Who should they go to for help with math homework? Who do they feel safe confiding in? When you are the one always present you become the go to for everything.
The years that my daughter and I spent apart were difficult. There was so much I wanted to share but with limited time, being involved in a business and living an hour apart hindered a lot of the opportunity to bond. Problems arose with communication between us and times were difficult for both my daughter and myself. As a child I would imagine it was hard to say how she felt in fear of hurting my feelings or just not knowing how to express herself. As a dad I didn’t want to hurt her emotionally anymore than I already did by divorcing her mom and moving out. So backing away became the option I chose, in hopes that one day as she grew to an adult, our relationship could become something more than weekend visits.
I started my blog sometime when she was in her twenties and began writing about my life and how different things affected me as a man. Some of my posts were aimed at parenting and relationships. Most were about just being a man and how men look at the world and the people in their lives. Being that I have always had a love of food, the blog also became a way of expressing it. But all those years I never realized the thing that I was creating wasn’t just a blog for others to comment on but a part of my legacy.
Just recently, I sat and thought about the words I have written over the past 13 years and what it all meant. I was having trouble getting back into blogging since my life moved in a different direction and I kind of put writing on hold. But as I sat and thought about if I should continue the blog, I began reading my older posts and it was then that I knew this was for my daughter and my family. I know now that I should keep writing and blogging until the time in my life that I can no longer write.
Legacy….what would I leave behind? What will I leave my daughter when I am gone? We are taught early in life about wills and what tangible items we can pass on but never did I think about leaving my thoughts of what made me who I am, for my family to read and remember me by, long after I am gone. Maybe the granddaughter I may not have a lot of time with now, while she is young will someday want to know who her grandfather was.
The things that I have written over the years have allowed people to get to know me on a different more personal level. What better way for my family to have something of me to pass on to my grand kids and then later, their children.
I wish I had stories I to read that my grandpa could have written. How much more would I know about him if I could have read his thoughts? How much more could I have learned from him?
So after sitting and contemplating ending my blog, I have found a new reason to continue writing and sharing my stories and opinions, not just for those who find me interesting but more so for my daughter and her children.
As a side note, my relationship with my daughter has been wonderful. I am blessed that after the rocky road we traveled separately, came to a fork where we both met and continued on together. I love you Sammi….
Just one man’s opinion
The Regular Guy
Hey Rob. Good to hear from you.
Nice to read your thoughts again, Robert. You have a talent for expressing your emotion. Even though I have no children, I can relate. I made time capsules for the toddler kids (3 about to turn 3) in my extended family and I add a little something to them each year. Hoping someday they’ll sift through it all and treasure the insights.
I know it’s been a long time, but I thought this was very well wriiten. I have been divorced for almost a year now, but lucky enough to still have a good relationship with my son. I guess every situation is different. I’m glad you and Sammi are ongood terms.
T.V…….sorry about the divorce. I know how tough that has probably been for you but I’m glad Jake is still around and things are good. probably better he was older and now a man. Easier for him to relate and understand perhaps…miss ya bro.
Thanks..I had a very long mental block and got tied up with other things.. I missed blogging and the interaction I get from the readers and their comments. You always have a place here if you still want to write..I hoped we could have done something together and its still not too late..miss you and D
Victor…hope all is well. Living in Fl now and enjoying the warm weather, especially with no snow..Stay well and keep the rubber side down..