Affairing down

Hey Regular Guy

I stumbled upon your blog while Googling why so many men “affair down” – meaning, of course, the majority of men who cheat do so with women who are not nearly as attractive as their wives or girlfriends. There are TONS of hits about this on Google.(As evidenced by Jesse James, Tiger Woods, the Governator to just name a few.) I have read your posts about men and the “Chip”, which I do agree with. Do you believe then that it is because of the ever-prevalent notion of sex in the male brain that leads most (not all, of course, but most) men to cheat on their wives or girlfriends with less attractive women? Logically, one would think if you’re going to risk your relationship, you’d do it with someone who would be a “trade up”. I’d be interested to hear your thoughts.

Carson

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2 Responses to Affairing down

  1. Anon says:

    If anything, that’s a pretty damning reveal of the female thought process. At least half of all men may be willing to bang anything, but at least men don’t have the thought process of trying to “trade up,” which is an inherently vile, backstabbing concept. If that’s how women actually think, then I don’t have any sympathy for you getting cheated on because you don’t value any man that you’re with and obviously deserve it.

    There is no such thing as “up,” it’s called keeping your damn vows. People are not objects on the shelf at Wal-Mart for you to just use.

  2. slip60 says:

    Thanks for the comments.. I’m guessing since both probably read my posts you have a good idea of why I believe men cheat. Truthfully, I can only speak for myself but I can tell you from my experience that when I am ignored sexually for so long, the first thing I think is what am I doing wrong. I reach out and ask and hope for feedback that allows me to work on my shortcomings which will lead me to the sex that has been missing. Now, if that scenario does not happen and I am ignored in my efforts to “fix” the problem, I stop blaming myself and my mind begins to wander to thoughts about if I still “got it”. What usually happens next(with most men) is we seek out someone who will have sex with us and validate that we are still attractive, interesting, etc..( we STILL GOT IT!).
    Unfortunately this is not the correct process to solving our problem, but only worsens it because now you feel guilt or worse, you seek out more because you got away with it.
    I don’t know that there is any correct way to navigate the course but cheating doesn’t work or fix whats wrong in a relationship. Couples need to realize there’s always a turning point for one or both parties from which they won’t return. The real fix is talking it out and remembering why you both made the commitment and making it the first priority in your lives. Yeah easy to say but its the only way.. If not, move on. Its better than staying in a bad situation and making it worse by wandering….
    As for why guys “Affair Down”…because they are looking for validation not sex and if that’s where it comes from so be it. Remember we are cavemen. We only need sex and food to make us happy. That’s the funny part of it all is that women just can’t see that or they totally don’t care. If you can’t make a guy stay true then most times its because you ignore one of our basic needs…I’m guessing you guys figured out which one..
    just one man’s opinion..

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