How to Handle Stress: The Essential Elements

Posted on July 26, 2011 by slip60

The following is a copy of an article written by my sister and posted on http://www.deeper meditation.net. I hope this will help you deal with the stress we incur everyday.

How often do you exclaim, “I’m so stressed out!”? Stress is a commonality that is all too familiar but often overlooked as a serious symptom of disease. The reality is that stress is the #1 risk factor for disease. With studies showing that stress leads to obesity, heart disease, depression, anxiety, hypothyroidism, immune deficiency, etc., why is it that we are still so stressed out?

I believe it is that we are not taught as children how to handle stress properly. We learn to mimic our parents’ behavior, which was not always a healthy choice! Instead of realizing that stress is something that happens inside a person, we see it as an attack against our homeostasis and defend it at all costs. Stress typically arises because of our beliefs about how things ‘should be’ and not necessarily the situation at hand, and often it is self-inflicted.

In my 16 years experience as a Massage Therapist, I have found that most of my clients come to me because they are internalizing their stress. Instead of letting it out, they hold it in and that energy transmutes into a physical pain or disease. Massage is a great way to release it from the body because the pressure receptors in the skin convey a message back to the brain to release the energy and send out endorphins to relieve the pain.

However, we should not always rely on someone else to relieve our stress. If we never learn how to adequately handle stress so that it doesn’t get trapped in our bodies, stress will never go away. It just gets transmuted into something more difficult to deal with that we find no way of escaping, such as a debilitating disease.

If stress is self-inflicted, how do we stop the cycle? First answer these questions:

1. Do you create deadlines for yourself, like having company over so the house must be clean by a certain time?

2. Do you worry about what people will think before you act or speak?

3. Do you volunteer for things even though you really don’t have the time?

4. Do you do things even though the little voice inside you is saying, “No, don’t do it!”

5. Do you allow others to control your time because you are too ‘nice’? For example, getting trapped in conversation you really don’t have time for.

6. Do you get enough rest, eat right and exercise as you should?

If you answered “Yes” to any of the first five questions, consider this: “Who puts you first?”

The primary way to adequately handle stress is to begin to make time for YOU. Realize that without your health there will be none of ‘you’ to go around. Stop taking on extra projects or putting pressure on yourself. You will be AMAZED how the universe will open up opportunities for you to take care of yourself when you make the decision to do so.

Helpful techniques for handling stress and getting the energy OUT of your body

1. Talk it out with someone or scream at the top of your lungs. That feels REALLY good! (Just don’t scream at your children!)

2. Crying is a great vehicle for relieving stress. It doesn’t mean you are weak!

3. Deep Breathing works by carrying oxygen to the cells so they can detoxify.

4. Exercise/Stretching is necessary to release the tension and pain in the muscles.

5. Meditation is a great way to clear and relax the mind. It just takes some practice.

6. Visualizations are a handy tool for handling stress. They can range from comedic skits about the situation to visions of paradise on a tropical island. Either way, they are great at tricking the mind into believing whatever you want.

7. Hot water baths are awesome for loosening muscles and granting “Me-Time”.

8. Realizing your limitations is a tough one, but a little humility goes a long way.

9. And, of course, plain old Laughter is and always will be the best medicine for handling stress!

Finally, I have found the use of pure essential oil aromatherapy to be a very effective means of handling stress. These oils work on the body and mind at the same time and can be used for numerous maladies related to stress. These include depression, anxiety, impatience, IBS, allergies, headaches, physical pain, nausea, fatigue, insomnia, low immune system and the list goes on.Essential oils work so well because the sense of smell connects with memory centers in the brain, wherein the memory evokes a physical response. Over the past decade I have developed a line of scents to balance the body based on ancient Chinese and Ayurvedic principles. My blends work to balance the mood by affecting the elements in the body. For example, if you have too much “Fire” you will need a water, earth or wood scent to calm you down. If you are a thinker, you are too “Metal” and will need a fire, water or wood scent to open your heart. Your scent needs will vary daily as your mood changes. I find it helpful to keep your favorite scents on hand so you will always be balanced.

The ulterior benefit to using these blends is that they will also boost your immune system! The scent you wear may also work on those close to you so they will also be balanced. Next time you’re stressed, mist some “Happy” in the air and watch what happens!

Whatever you choose to do, the thing to remember is to find balance. Too much of one thing really is too much. Balance is the key to a stress-less life!

Jakki Wienecke is a Stress & Pain Management Specialist, Author of the self-help book, Follow the Signs, owner of the Divine Creations Aromatherapy line of products to heal and balance the body and founder of PRISM Wellness. She has spent the last 16 years working to educate the public about the benefits of natural therapies such as massage therapy, acupuncture, nutrition, chiropractic, aromatherapy, yoga and natural skin care. From dance/Pilates instructor to her work as a Massage Therapist to her guidebook for a purposeful life, she has always worked to bring joy to others. Information about her workshops and products can be found at www.DC-Aroma.com. 410-399-9737

 

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Sand Bar Waterfront Restaurant, Brielle NJ

Posted on July 15, 2011 by slip60

When dining out, you always remember the best and the worst places you visit. The Sand Bar unfortunately falls under the latter of those two.

The Sand Bar overlooks a the Brielle Yacht Club Marina and if you are seated outside you can keep yourself busy people watching which might make you more forgiving of the less than average dishes served here.

On a recommendation by a friend, we made reservations for a Friday evening with hopes of enjoying the beautiful weather and a fresh fish dinner. The weather part worked out great but the fish half of the equation fell short of making the evening  one we would like to remember.

Both dishes, the Grilled Mahi with Pineapple Salsa( dinner special) and my Tuna Rockford (regular menu item) were overcooked and flavorless. The Mahi was especially disappointing because the salsa was so plain and lacking in freshness. It was almost as dry as the fish itself which if juicier, it could have provided necessary moisture for the Mahi. Adding some lime juice, tomatoes, fresh cilantro and maybe a little heat from jalapenos would kick the flavor up to where it could have made a difference, even with the overcooked fish. My Tuna, which was also grilled, is served with a mixture of sun dried tomatoes, asparagus,spinach and topped with Hollandaise sauce. I asked out of the added Hollandaise as I do not care for that particular sauce. The tuna, although pink inside, was dry and overcooked and the vegetables accompanying them did little to save the dish.

Being that both dishes needed help we asked the waitress if she could provide us with dressings that we could lace over top of the fish in hopes of saving the meal. The manager, Scott, approached us to ask if there was anything he could do to make the meal better. At this point we were not going to wait to have another dish cooked, and the fact that the dishes were so poorly dressed, we felt that we would just move on. We did feel that Scott could have offered to buy our drinks or dessert to help make the experience easier to accept.

It’s a shame that we had such a bad dinner because the Sand Bar’s open, airy and casual atmposhpere provides a nice environment to dine in. We sat upstairs where reservations are accepted, but you can dine downstairs where there is open seating and a bar.

One last item that needs to be pointed out is the area where the hostess greets you. On this particular evening there were two young women at the door greeting and seating patrons upon arrival. As we were making our way back down the stairs to the exit, one of the girls was sorting silverware and napkins while sitting on the stairway. Not exactly how I would like to see my fork and knife being handled after it has been through a sterilizing wash. It seems that management is not on top of their game if this is the norm for handling issues and staff.

Regular Guy Rating * *

Sand Bar Waterfront Restaurant

201 Union Lane, Brielle, NJ 08730

(732) 528-7750

sandbarrestaurant.com

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The Engleside Sand Bar, Beach Haven NJ

Posted on June 2, 2011 by slip60

It’s  Memorial Day, its hot and your not on the beach so your looking for something to do. A cold drink and a burger, poolside, at the Engleside Sand Bar, was just the thing. Outdoors on the ocean and alive with people soaking up the sun and swimming in the pool , it seemed like just the right place to make a pit stop.

After riding our bicycles for 5 or so miles, the wife and I worked up an appetite and decided to stop for lunch. We had ridden from Ship Bottom to Beach Haven and decided to lock up our rides at the Engleside Sand Bar.

Music filled the air and could be heard from blocks away as we approached the dune at the entrance to the beach and the Sand Bar. People in bathing suits carrying frozen drinks and cold beers paraded around us as we found a table in the shady part of the patio.

Our waitress quickly addressed us and brought our Lemonades and menus. The menu is what you would expect from an outdoor pool bar, sandwiches, salads and burgers with plenty of choices for toppings.

Both burgers looked great on arrival, cooked perfect and topped with enough to satisfy. They are char grilled and 8 ounces, which seems to be more and more the norm for a good burger. What I do find is that with most burgers, and especially with the rarer cooked ones, the bottom bun is always soggy from the burgers juices. This always presents a problem as you get through the burger. As with this one, we wound up using a fork and knife to finish it off. Not the perfect way to enjoy a burger.

All things considered though, the burger was very good. Maybe it was the whole holiday weekend thing that made it taste so good but it definitely satisfied our craving and gave us the much needed energy source to pedal our way back to our car.

The Regular Guy rating * * *

The Engledside Sand Bar

30 Engleside Avenue
Beach Haven, NJ 08008-1725
(609) 492-1251

 

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Affairing Down…Part II

Posted on May 24, 2011 by slip60

Carson
Thanks for checking out my site.
It has always been my belief that men cheat because they are weak. Period!. We all get tested at some point and we all know that once we pull the trigger, there is no going back. I think that down deep most of the cheats don’t care if they get caught, because I would say they believe they have good reason. Not so much the one time cheat, but the flagrant ones like Tiger and now Arnold. Those men knew exactly what they were doing and in their mind they were okay with it. I can’t see how any man who cheats and feels remorse, can go back over and over and sometimes even lead a double life. Let’s face it, if we all thought we would never get caught, a very high percentage of us would do it. WE have never really lost that “caveman” in us, but have seemingly learned how to control it. After all, being in a civilized society makes us. As for why we seem to “affair down”, which clearly is the case with Arnold (even though Maria isn’t really that good looking), I can’t figure it out. You would think that we would “make it count ” so at least if we were caught, our spouse could understand the temptation behind it. But what does a spouse think when she sees the other woman is a “double bagger”! That must really freak them out. Anyway, as a man I can always understand why a guy cheats, but I can’t always condone it. Yes I did write that. Only because I understand how frustrating it is to have a partner that won’t meet you at least half way to satisfy your sexual desires. When a woman hears you asking for more of her and she gives you less or even worse, ignores your pleas, then yes I can condone it. It always befuddles me when a woman turns a deaf ear to her partner then acts all surprised and hurt when he strays. Maybe leaving the relationship is the best way but most men are afraid to do that, more so when children are involved. So they stray to find the missing intimacy or sex but still want to keep the family they have intact.

Just one man’s opinion….
The Regular Guy

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Affairing down

Posted on May 24, 2011 by slip60

Hey Regular Guy

I stumbled upon your blog while Googling why so many men “affair down” – meaning, of course, the majority of men who cheat do so with women who are not nearly as attractive as their wives or girlfriends. There are TONS of hits about this on Google.(As evidenced by Jesse James, Tiger Woods, the Governator to just name a few.) I have read your posts about men and the “Chip”, which I do agree with. Do you believe then that it is because of the ever-prevalent notion of sex in the male brain that leads most (not all, of course, but most) men to cheat on their wives or girlfriends with less attractive women? Logically, one would think if you’re going to risk your relationship, you’d do it with someone who would be a “trade up”. I’d be interested to hear your thoughts.

Carson

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Searching for Mr Right

Posted on May 15, 2011 by slip60

It seems to me that there is quite a crowd of women between the ages of 30 and 40 who can not find Mr Right.

Online dating sites brag about the rate people that find love using  their programs, but in real life they seem to fall short of their lofty success reports. Women between the ages of 30 and 40 are finding themselves in limbo when it comes to landing the man of their dreams, especially if they have high standards. More and more I hear how there are so few “good” men out there and that the ones they date always fall short of capturing not just their heart but simply their interest.

Yesterday I stood between four women aged 35 to 50 and listened to them question ones relationship status. This woman being questioned is about to turn 40 and had been through a marriage that went bad. That was 7 years ago and today, she finds herself still looking for Mr Right. Sandy (not her real name) is a great girl who is not only very attractive but intelligent, witty, honest and sincere. She is also very independent and well liked by everyone who knows her. Why then can’t she find what shes looking for? She explained how just recently she met a new guy, who is 40 and without baggage (means no ex wife, no kids) which is rare these days. She also mentioned that he would like children and that is one of the things Sandy is looking for in a man. One of the women stated that at 40, he knows what he wants as opposed to earlier in his life. I laughed aloud when I heard that statement because usually men say they can not figure out women because they are always changing. t Matter of fact, men who are married often state that their wives are no longer the girl they married (see earlier posts for more on this). When I laughed they asked why I had, and I couldn’t help but chime in. I said that men were simple in what they want and that it never changes. Perhaps it’s that women at this age don’t want the same things as they did years ago when we were closer in what we both wanted and expected from each other. I said that men wanted the same things now as we did then. Sex, good food, toys and laughter. Its is really very simple, but for a woman at this age the sex we want is always too much, women don’t have time to cook or don’t know how, the love of cars, motorcycles, sports, and electronics never did anything for woman to begin with, and laughter is childish( ie: the Three Stooges come to mind). A good example might be this: In high school just about every girl wanted the jock boyfriend. He was into all the things I mentioned above and to some extent so was she. She played sports or went to to the games(maybe to meet one of the jocks). She thought his car was “cool” especially if it was a convertible, because then everyone could see her in it. Now, if you look at that guy today, he is still the same but the woman his age considers him “childish” for being the same man today as he was back then. Today the women want the “geek” who back in high school they made fun of or never paid any attention to his attraction to her. He was weird or goofy, skinny or dressed funny. Not COOL. Too bad because now all those great guys are probably the nerds who are married and successful. Oh the jocks are probably married too or they are bald and fat and are now the unattractive ones. One hell of a vicious cycle huh?

So in this day of single girls outnumbering single guys, where does a great girl find her soul mate? That question will probably go without answer forever because as they say “you can’t force love because it happens when you least expect it”.

Just one mans opinion…

The Regular Guy

 

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Marchioni’s Pizza and Pasta

Posted on May 12, 2011 by slip60

One in awhile you don’t want to cook but you do want to eat so the first things that come to mind are pizza places or Chinese food.  Maybe a plate of macaroni and a salad would be just right.

I have been to Marchioni’s a total of three times. My wife likes the Pasta Gabriella dish so she thought it would be perfect for this night. After returning from a long trip, eating out always seems to be the best idea and Marchioni’s is close to our home, so it was a good fit.

We were told by the counter help to seat ourselves so we picked a booth in the back corner. I like this booth, maybe because we always sit in it or maybe because its away from the rest of the tables. Kind of private.

Our waitress was familiar to us because she also waited on us the two previous times. Shes always pleasant and extremely attentive so we were glad to see her. Ordering was easy because we already knew what we wanted before we sat down. After placing our order we were served garlic knots that were very warm and freshly made. Soon after our Spinach salad arrived and so began the uncomfortable part of the dinner.

I am not sure who this person is but I sensed he might have been a cook or the owner himself. Either way he was dressed inappropriately for a person handling/ serving or just being around food. Dressed in gym shorts and a loose fitting baggy t shirt he promptly began greeting familiar faces loudly and intrusively. It wasn’t at this point that we felt uncomfortable but it was annoying.

Soon after, as our entree arrived, he returned once more to the dining room,this time to sit and dine at the table closest to us. During the time he was eating he was also shouting across the room at two other customers, details about his Mothers day business, his wife and other things. Somewhere in the middle of our dinner and the shouting my wife and I discussed how rude and ridiculous he was to be doing this in a restaurant while people were dining. I couldn’t help but to finally excuse myself and ask him if he could stop because we had come to this place not just to eat but also spend a quiet evening talking about our past trip. I will say in all fairness to this man, he was apologetic and he moved his seat closer to other patrons with whom he was speaking. As uncomfortable as it was to speak out, I hope that he realized some customers would really enjoy dining in a quiet atmosphere.

As for the pasta Gabriella, it seemed to be slightly less flavorful then we recalled from the last visits. This dish consists or bow tie pasta, grilled chicken and sun-dried tomatoes in a cream sauce similar to Alfredo. Two things I thought would have made this dish better, the sauce seasoning and fresh grilled chicken. The sauce needed more flavor, a pinch of nutmeg, a little cheese and maybe some zip from pepper. The chicken was overdone, probably because it was cooked earlier and then added to the pasta. Also it would be better served to slice the chicken thinner and smaller so it fills the dish better and is easier to eat. The chicken shouldn’t be bigger than the macaroni. If it is you cant get it all on the fork in the same bite.

The amount of food served was more than enough for both of us and we also had enough to take home leftover pasta.

All things considered, I can’t say I was very happy but the way the gentleman handled my request, I can say that I would give Marchioni’s another chance.

Regular Guy rating –* * 1/2  -  * * *

Marchioni’s Pizza and Pasta

912 West Bay Avenue

# 140 Barnegat, NJ 08005-1290

(609) 660-2424

 

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Go away little girl?

Posted on April 6, 2011 by lea



What do you guys think?

Emotional cheating, ego boosting or something else?

An old girlfriend/ex-wife/gal-pal is constantly emailing or texting you just to stay in touch. She’s told you in the past that she is unhappy with her current relationship, so you are flattered that she wants to lean on the “connection” the two of you once had. You even enjoy hearing from her. (You get the feeling she might take it further if you would.)

But you wouldn’t!! You are totally committed to and happy with your current relationship. Even so, the attention is nice and at times you still think about *her* and wonder, “What if…?” 

Do you:

1)      Write back to her and continue to engage in *harmless* chatting?

2)      Ignore her attempts to stay in touch?

3)      Delete or block her email/phone number?

4)      Ask her to stop contacting you?

5)      Invite her to go out with you and your spouse/partner?

 I expect to hear lots of “It depends…” on this one. I’m curious what those qualifiers would be.

 Ladies— substitute boyfriend/ex and all the appropriate pronouns above and share your thoughts.

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Life as we know it…..

Posted on March 21, 2011 by slip60

Some one once said” Life is what happens while your busy planning for it.” Maybe it wasn’t exactly that but close enough.

So how is it that we get so involved in planning our lives that we miss most of it as it jettisons right by us. I have been trying to change the way I live my life for years, and it’s a slow process at best, trying to undo the mess that I have created.

Last year, I went to see “Eat, Pray, Love ” and I walked away from the film with a reinforcement of what I always believed. You can not change your life unless you change where you live your life. Nothing really changes if your environment doesn’t

The main character in the movie came to a crossroad when she realized that she wasn’t living a life by choice but one that she couldn’t relate to because she became lost in all the things that life threw at her on a daily basis. She didn’t know who she was and what truly made her happy, so she embarked on a mission to find her true self.

If you think about it we build our lives in steps which seems to end in retirement. We are born, we grow, we learn, we work, we marry, we have kids, we buy a house, we create massive expenses and responsibilities, and we hope for a comfortable retirement. We are led to believe that this is a way to a happy life. We don’t live life, we work it. Sure we all get little bits and pieces of it but do we ever really live the life we would if we could?

I have spent my life working just to enjoy a few off weeks a year to do things that make me happy while all the time wishing I could work less and live more. I am not talking about traveling the world but just taking the time to “smell the roses”.  I, like most men, are driven to make money with the hope that at some point I can enjoy the rewards of my lifelong efforts. But unless you happen to make a killing very quickly, you will find that basically you work your whole life to live, and not much more.

Maybe we are all just missing life the way it was intended to be. “SIMPLE.” We have all become products of our environment. So caught up in our work that it becomes our life. Think about how upside down we have made our lives. We spend most of our day working and the rest sleeping. When we aren’t sleeping we are on our phones or computers probably either working or wasting time.  I have been told by my parents that some of the best times of their life were before all this technology set in. It seems that living before the 1960’s was great. Could it be because life was much simpler and less cluttered with technology. People actually had conversations in their living rooms with neighbors on Saturday nights. It was called “having company”. Today, we don’t even want to talk to each other so we just text.

If you are young and reading this here’s some advice. Start early and save as much money as possible by avoiding what everyone else is doing with theirs, because later in life you will need it more than earlier. Travel as soon as possible and see how others live in difference to where you were raised. Take a job or jobs that don’t tie you down ( this is the difficult one) but allow you to leave if necessary and start up somewhere else. Remember, its not how much you earn its how much you spend that makes life difficult, and with this in mind, stay debt free. And last, you will  learn later in life that it is shorter than you think so be prepared to say yes now to all the things you truly want to do and not make excuses as to why you can’t. Don’t let your “career” become who you are. Keep your life “simple” because at some point you will look back on it and wonder how it got so complicated and stressful and not know how to fix it. It becomes like the hamster on a wheel. Repetition over and over, the same everyday.

Life as we know it happens because we allow it to. Someday, hopefully sooner than later, I’ll get this life right!

Just one man’s opinion

The Regular Guy

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Why skirt the flirting?

Posted on March 15, 2011 by slip60

I had dinner with my friend Sara recently and as we reminisced about years of working together, the conversation turned to relationships. She and her husband had recently celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary. It was her husband’s second marriage, but Sara’s first. I asked her the secret of their success.

She had a twinkle her in eye as she told me about Tom.

“He made me feel comfortable right from the start,” she said. “I knew I could be myself and he would accept me for who I am – both the good and the not-so-good. It seems to work for us. He’s easy-going and I’m a little intense, but he just lets that roll.”

I’ve watched them together. They kid each other often. They laugh and show respect for each other. Sara is somewhat of a caretaker and Tom likes this. Yet he knows how to make her feel loved and cared for, too.

And he’s a big flirt! Though I don’t see them often, a few other mutual friends and I have observed that Tom is generally focused on women and freely expresses his appreciation of their beauty, bodies, sex appeal, etc. Sometimes we think it’s icky. But Sara has never once complained or expressed discomfort with it.

So why do some people become jealous of every tiny bit of attention a partner pays to someone else, while others don’t mind this a bit?

I think it depends on the strength of the intimate relationship — a strong loving relationship, shared mutually, leaves no room for jealousy. If each partner is truly being kind to the other (as the Regular Guy purports) and if they often are doing little things to enrich the relationship, then a little flirting shouldn’t rock their world. It might even enhance it! It’s nice to see that other people appreciate your date/mate.

Self-confidence helps, too. Insecurity breeds disinterest. And trouble can follow.

What happens outside the relationship can only become significant if nothing is happening inside the relationship. (A topic for another post.) It takes a committed pair to turn a budding romance into a 25-year marriage. Cheers to all those who take it seriously and succeed, and especially to Sara and Tom!

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